I’ve started this post and the accompanying video over like 10 times, and every time I go to start it, I want to say I’m triggered — which feels hyperbolic because I’m just talking about tech

But then I think about the fact that I came home from an event to teach me tech recently, and I called myself a failure. And I almost canceled the whole thing, including making a movie.

So today we’re going to talk about tech and how it can be really hard for women to not feel like they have to be perfect with technology before they move forward in some kind of creative pursuit.

My Credentials (That I Keep Forgetting I Have)

I have an undergrad in film. I’m returning to filmmaking after a 20-year detour in publishing — with this little side quest called getting a law degree.

I feel like I need to say that I’m not a tech expert and I don’t really know that much about tech, and like, you should totally go to somebody who knows what they’re talking about. Because what would little old me know?

I find myself constantly minimizing the actual experience I have of using technology all the time, every day. Taking classes on it. Going to workshops where I can get my hands on it and learn from other people. Going to conferences to learn it.

I’m the person my family calls when there’s a tech issue!

But right now I’m working on my first short film, No Animals Harmed — please check it out, we would love your support — and I’m finding myself having real physiological panic over the tech.

How do I work a camera?

What about lighting?

What the heck is a gaffer or a grip?

G&E — I just realized — is gear and equipment.

Why didn’t I learn any of this in film school?

I came back from two events recently – the Alliance of Women Directors conference and a San Diego Film and Equipment and San Diego Women in Cinema event – and realized that this was the first time I’d seen women actively teaching this stuff as experts.

I started thinking about the way that I just assumed my little creative brain could never figure this out.

Why hadn’t I seen women doing this before now?

Where does this idea that women naturally suck at tech come from?

If you answered misogyny — ding, ding, ding, you’re correct.

I understand that I blame misogyny all the time when talking about what held me back. And I am the first person to say I held myself back, for sure. But I think it’s part of oppression to convince you that it’s your fault that you didn’t make it through the overwhelming oppression.

I looked back at film school and I wasn’t even offered the cinematography classes. The directing class was encouraged for my guy friends and not for me.

None of those boys knew anything about how to do any of the tech — and yet I just assumed boys could figure it out, but I couldn’t.

What’s that saying? If boys can do it, how hard can it be?

I would go to the film festivals, I would go to the gear classes, I would go to the places and try to figure it out — and I would get talked down to like: “Oh, you’re a cute little girly. Just go back to your little writing thing.”

I am somebody who does things imperfectly all the time, so why do I feel like my tech systems have to be perfect?

I built an online school. I’ve had sales funnels. I’ve launched courses and programs. I’ve made multiple six figures. All of that required tech. All of it is online. Every part of my business is online.

And yet every time an email has a glitch, every time a system doesn’t work exactly right, every time a funnel’s off, I just think: ugh, I can’t do this stuff. It’s just not for me.

In the same way that I’ve always been like: oh, I’m just bad at math.

And I think back to first grade when I was actually really good at math. I was better than everybody else in the class at math, until fourth grade, when I got made fun of for being good at math. And then I got into fifth grade, and I had a teacher who actively put me down for how smart I was.

A male teacher, by the way.

I think about the statistics about how girls do better in school until fifth grade, when puberty hits and suddenly they have to be beautiful, not smart.

I’m someone who prides herself on her intelligence. I work my brain a lot. And yet when it comes to tech, I think of myself as an idiot — even though I am so much more competent than most of the people in my life when it comes to this.

In fact, I felt so incompetent that I didn’t even ask at this event — of women who were being super supportive and encouraging us to ask questions — what’s a gaffer? What’s a grip? What does G&E mean?

I came up with all these reasons.

I’m too old. I’m 43. I’m not that old.

I’m too dumb. I’m actually a really smart person who could figure this out.

I’m just not that great at tech. I’m the person everybody calls when they need tech help.

God, Give Me the Confidence of a Mediocre White Man

I’ve seen mediocre white men make millions. I’ve seen them make movies. I’ve seen them become president of our country.

So why do I think that I have to have a perfect email sequence to run a business, or understand everything having to do with lighting to make a movie?

I hire a gaffer — which I now know is the chief lighting and electrician on a film set. And they go along with a grip, who works all the other equipment that’s not lighting and electrical.

Two things I didn’t realize while I took this course. Two things that I left film school not knowing.

Film school!

Gaffer and grip are two of the biggest things on a film set, and I left film school not knowing what those meant — and being too ashamed to ask because I thought I was dumb.

The fact that it wasn’t in here, that I didn’t know it, when I can remember everything from the critique classes and the writing classes they encouraged us to take — the “women’s classes.”

I’m not going to let imperfection stop me from making this movie.

I’m going to mess it up. I’m going to learn, just like the boys did. Hands-on, figuring it out myself, with a team of women and queers around me supporting me and cheering me on.

And a couple of male allies.

I’m so grateful that I’ve built a creative career and a kind of life where I can say: hey, guess what? I don’t know what I’m doing. I know a lot — I’ve been a storyteller and a visual storyteller for over 20 years — but I don’t know how to run electrical equipment.

I’m allowed to do it mediocre and scared and hard and before I feel ready.

And friends, so are you.

So if there is a tech thing you’re trying to learn, if there’s a term you don’t know, if there’s a trigger you have when it comes to something — know that you’re not alone. Don’t let that stop you from going out there and using your voice and making art and doing something creative today.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and creativity,
Lauren

P.S. The crowdfunding campaign for No Animals Harmed is officially ON — and I'd love your help getting this film made.

Every donation and every share matters more than you know. It feels like a pat on the back and whisper in my ear “keep going!” I literally could not do this without you.

Check out NoAnimalsHarmedFilm.com to see how you can be part of the team.

There is a direct correlation for me between learning to confidently wear a bikini at the beach and making my new movie.

Learning to love the skin I’m in has been a complete game changer for every aspect of my career.

Stepping into the power of my body, learning to love myself as I am as a queer fat woman, and writing queer fat women in a positive light, all made it so I learned to trust other things about myself, including my own voice.

Having the confidence to walk on the beach in a bikini and feel good, no matter what my size, helped me have the confidence to go to law school, to walk into meetings with celebrities, to start my own company, and to know that I’m a badass who belongs in any room.

And then when I started dating people because I was confident in my body, and interacting with people when I was confident in my body, I realized that all those haters were wrong all the time:

You do not have to be thin to find love and success in life.

There are plus-size women out there killing it every single day in every single industry.

I remember seeing Melissa McCarthy in Spy and thinking: oh my God, this is what I needed my whole life.

The more I’m out here in my bathing suit, unapologetically being me and telling my stories, the more other people can be as well.

And then suddenly, if the culture can be wrong about fat bodies, what else can they be wrong about?

The naysayers who said I could never make it as a writer, that my queerness was wrong, that I would never find love, that no one would ever like me if I was neurodiverse, that I would never be able to make it as an artist.

I’ve proven all of them wrong.

But one of the first things I had to prove wrong was this idea that fat bodies are bad bodies.

Empowering, Empathetic, and Entertaining Stories

As I’m out here making stories about queer fat women finding love and joy, I’m actively changing the narrative so we can all see ourselves in the happily ever after that we deserve.

Seeing my book Because Fat Girl in airports across the nation and bookstores all over, on the shelves of people who love it, lines of people waiting to have me sign their book because they related so much with the characters — it helped me to realize how badly we need stories like mine.

So if you like stories of queer fat women, if you just like diverse stories in general, if you want to feel great in your body because of the narratives I’m telling — check out my novel Because Fat Girl and my upcoming movie, No Animals Harmed.

If this resonated with you, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a post,

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And also follow along on Instagram and YouTube where I’m sharing what I’ve learned about moviemaking and what I know about publishing — everything within a queer, body positive lens — so you can go out there and do it yourself too.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and creativity,
Lauren

P.S. Want to help queer stories out in the world? Check out the amazing incentives we have for those who pre-order and help fund my new movie No Animals Harmed.

For 20 years, I dreamt of making a short film, but I could never figure out how to write one.

Until one day, I accidentally did.

And now, I’ve got no choice but to turn it into a movie.

Why I Walked Away from my Hollywood Dreams

When I was a kid, I had this dream of making movies full of queer, fat, women like me.

And then I got to film school, and that dream died. It felt like the boys were being encouraged to go into directing and producing, and I was encouraged to become a critic of the boys’ films.

Sometimes I think this was all in my head. But then I talk to other people who went to school with me, and I realize that all of us women were discouraged from going to Hollywood.

And to be fair, at that time, it was really bad for women in Hollywood. It was really bad for openly gay people like me. And it was really bad for fat people.

A professor pulled me aside and told me that if I went into publishing and made a great book — one that got enough success — I could use that as a way to get into film.

So I went into publishing.

I wrote multiple books. I worked for national magazines. I had a couple of side quests: one into getting a law degree, and one into working for a motivational speaker — a big name you would probably know.

Then I started my company, School for Writers, so I could help other writers understand the process of writing a book.

Throughout all of that, I dreamt of making movies.

In fact, my hit rom-com Because Fat Girl is about a director who never gave up on that dream. It was my way of reimagining my life if I hadn’t given up on moviemaking.

And then when that book was out and a success — in airports across the nation, with lines of people waiting for me to sign it — I had to think: what’s next?

Filmmaking.

I kind of had no choice.

The Cancelled Class That Changed Everything

Still, I felt stuck on what to make. Did I write a feature? Did I try a short film? Did I apply to be in a writer’s room for a TV show?

So I did what most nerds do: I took a class.

Actually, I took a whole TV Comedy Writing certification program from UCLA. Because I’ve always been an overachiever.

I was bracing myself to move to L.A. – where I’d been told I’d have to live if I wanted a chance at making movies – until one day, a class got canceled, and another student said: “Hey, a bunch of us are transferring to a sketch comedy class. Do you want to come along?”

Honestly, I was hesitant because I hate improv and I’ve always thought of sketch comedy as a version of improv. But then he told me the kind of shows this professor had worked on, and I was like: oh, I loved those shows.

So I joined the class.

Suddenly I was studying the greats and loving it. Kate McKinnon. Leslie Jones. Amy Poehler. And even back in the day, the unnamed women in sketch comedy who hadn’t yet gotten an opportunity because they were behind the scenes while all the men took the credit.

A few of them came and talked to our class. And man, it was just as bad as everybody said it was back then. It made me kind of glad I went into lesbian publishing instead.

As an exercise in the class, I started coming up with ridiculous ideas for sketches. Some of them were horrible, but some were really great. One day, I came up with the most ridiculous idea of them all, and had to run with it.

The idea actually came from my novel Because Fat Girl. While I was editing it, a couple of people told me it was offensive to both lesbians and vegans — which, if you’ve read the book, it’s not. It’s actually quite nuanced and lovely and caring.

It does have a moment where it makes fun of one particular lesbian vegan, though. She’s based on an ex, so I’m okay with that.

I took the idea of what made everybody mad — this idea that people could be easily offended just by the concept, without ever having read the book itself — and I thought:

What can I do to make this absolutely hilarious?

A Lesson in Sketch Comedy

As I worked on my script, I learned the Four Beats of Sketch Comedy. And I’m sharing them here with you in case they help you follow comedic dreams of your own.

The Four Beats of Sketch Comedy

1. You have the initiation — the concept, the idea, the setup.

2. Then you have an unusual thing that comes in and amps the game up or switches it up. T

3. hen you escalate that switch-up.

4. And then sometimes you do another twist at the end — and then you end it right there, as soon as possible. Studying sketch after sketch after sketch, I realized that the good ones end before you think they need to.

In the film industry, each page of a script is roughly one minute on screen. For a sketch, you need about three minutes max. My idea was seven to ten pages — way over.

So I brought it to class to workshop it. I asked: how can I make this shorter?

It turns out — if I may be so braggy — they loved it. The class said: please don’t cut it. This is comedic genius.

So I said: okay, but I want to make sketches, and this is a sketch comedy class. If I have this idea, how do I cut it down?

And my teacher said: there’s one really simple fix.

Turn it into a short film.

And that’s where my script came from.

My Film in the Four Beats:

1. Concept: I took the clichés of veganism. I took the clichés of lesbians. And then I took the clichés of the opposite of all of that — the twist — which is a straight white guy trying so hard to be woke.

2. I escalated the cliches and twists.

3. I put another twist on the end.

4. And then ended it way before I thought I should — but right at the exact button, the hilarious ending.

Suddenly, I had a polished script.

And with a polished script, I had no choice but to turn it into a film.

Your Four-Minute Mile

I think about Roger Bannister a lot.

In 1954, he ran a four-minute mile — something everyone thought was physically impossible before then. Since Roger Bannister did it, over 2,000 people have ran that “impossible” four-minute mile.

By seeing other people make sketch comedies, write short film scripts, and actually make them, I felt like I finally saw the path forward. I knew you could run a four-minute mile. I knew you could make a short film independently.

And by sharing publicly every part of this process, I’m hoping to inspire you to go out there and do whatever your four-minute mile is.

What is the thing that feels impossible? The thing you’ve maybe put off forever, or only half-assed for years, and it’s finally time to put yourself fully in?

Let me know in the comments so I can cheer you on.

Leave a comment

I hope that by sharing every single part of making this movie, I’m encouraging you to go out there and use your voice in whatever way feels the most powerful to you.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. Did you find this helpful? Share it with a friend who has a dream they’ve been putting off.

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And be sure to follow along here on Substack, and on YouTube, Instagram, and Spotify or Apple Podcasts as well.

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Want to hear a shocking statistic that I absolutely hate?

In 2025, women held just 16% of directing roles and 7% of cinematographer roles.

Those numbers haven’t changed much in decades. Hollywood is structurally frozen when it comes to women.

But after spending a weekend at a conference for the Alliance of Women Directors, I am seeing how women are taking things into their own hands, especially in the indie world.

This weekend, I saw that the studios might not be progressing, but women absolutely are absolutely changing the game and thriving as filmmakers.

A Girl Like You Can’t Make it In Hollywood

In 2001, I entered film school. I left four years later completely and totally convinced that I could never make it in this industry. It was just too misogynistic, homophobic, and fat phobic for someone like me.

I spent years thinking I wasn’t brave enough for Hollywood. You can read all about that here.

After I put out my novel Because Fat Girl, all about a woman trying to make her directing dreams com true, and I thought “if my characters can do this, why can’t I?”

But I hadn’t seen women making it. I had two women professors in all of film school, and neither of them were directing movies. The Oscars are notorious for excluding women from the Best Director category, and it’s hard to even find women directed movies streaming.

I had no idea how to make it in this industry as a woman.

So, one of the first things I did when I decided to make a movie was seek other women as proof that it could be done.

The Alliance of Women Directors

You know that stereotype where women are pitted against each other — we see each other as competition, we’re mean, we’re catty, we’re bitchy?

I saw that a lot twenty years ago when I entered the industry. Every woman seemed like the other one’s competition. All the marginalized, minority, and historically underrepresented communities were seen as each other’s competition.

But I saw none of that at the Alliance of Women Directors Back to Set conference.

It was one of the most diverse rooms of creatives I’ve ever been in. Everybody looked amazing. The fashion was so on point. There was a ton of diversity of size, racial identity, ethnic identity, and sexual orientation. And the best thing of all, everybody was super friendly.

As a 43-year-old reentering the industry, I thought for sure I would feel so behind, that if I talked to people about my history I would get this “oh, well, who are you, and you’re starting too late.” I had so many ideas of the rejection I would get.

But every single person I told my story to said one of two things:

One, they agreed with me and completely validated that this fear of the misogyny and the homophobia and the fatphobia and the horrific way they treat women, and the hurdles we have to overcome in this industry, is absolutely correct.

Throughout the weekend, again and again, I heard stories about how hard it is for women to make it as directors and cinematographers in this industry. That is not just in my head. I am not just making it up. It is real.

And two, they welcomed me with open arms back into the fold.

Every single woman I talked to was completely supportive of my dreams. It was the epitome of collaboration over competition. We cheered each other on, we helped each other with resources, and we followed up with each other to see how we could continue to support each other past this weekend.

I will never forget sitting around the table the first day at lunch and talking to women about what has changed in the industry, and everybody at that table agreeing that the misogyny hasn’t gotten any better — but now women aren’t putting up with it.

We are banding together, having groups like this, and we are saying we’re going forward regardless of what men say. We are going to protect each other from the predators in the industry. We are going to mentor each other and lift each other up and open doors for each other. We cannot keep waiting for the industry to change.

We are changing it ourselves.

And that was absolutely beautiful.

No Gatekeeping

What shocked me the most – in a good way – was the open sharing of information.

Every single person who got up and spoke shared everything they knew about the craft. Because we understand that hiding how you do it is not going to keep us going forward as a group.

Misogyny is enough of a gatekeeper already.

So if we can share our knowledge with each other, share our structures and our processes with each other, mentor each other — we can create more jobs and more opportunities for each other.

Because again, we are not each other’s competition.

My Promise to You

I left this event with 80 pages of notes to make me a better director and a better human.

And I left it even more dedicated to sharing my journey with you and sharing all the information I learn along the way with you.

Because if my process can help you with my knowledge in any way possible — if it can encourage you to see that it’s possible, get the skills you need, and go out and try it yourself — I’m going to share as much information as I can.

That includes:

• My process of living a creative life through my Creative Life Blueprint

• My process of putting myself out there and asking for what I want through 33 Asks®

• My process of writing a book in Write Your Friggin’ Book Already®

• My process of making money in my Writer’s Career Guide

• My process of learning to come back to film that I’m sharing here on Substack, Instagram, and YouTube

If any of it can help you live a boldly creative life in any way at all, that’s what I’m here for.

I am all about collaboration over competition, and this weekend just showed how that can not only change your life, but make a ripple effect in the world.

The more people are out there using their voice, the more powerful we are to shape the narrative to be more inclusive of voices like our own.

And this matters so much right now. It is one of the biggest pieces of activism that I can do as a creative, and you can do as a creative.

So follow along if you want to learn as I learn. And go out there knowing that I’m here cheering you on.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love,
Lauren

P.S. We’re launching the crowdfunding campaign for my short film very soon. There are some GREAT incentives included, and ways to help at any level. So keep an eye out for that!

As I start to cast, hire crew, and crowdfund for my first film, I’m scared that I have no idea what I’m doing.

It feels even scarier to admit that publicly (so scary, in fact, I’ve put off sending this email for over a week now).

I worry people will think less of me if they know that I’m nervous about doing this. I worry no one will join the crew if they know I’m new. I worry no one will audition if they know I’ve only directed theater and motivational speakers. I worry people will judge – or worse pity – me if they know of my fear.

Which is ironic, because I get so much inspiration from other people’s bravery. I love cheering on friends who take on new and nerve-racking projects. I applaud imperfections in other people’s pursuit of art and love.

But me? Oh no, I obviously have to look like I’ve got my shit together at all times.

Does that sound familiar?

If you’re still reading, I’m going to guess this idea of self-inflicted perfectionism resonates.

You might also have a creative project you’re dreaming of right now that you’re not sure how to get off the ground. (This post and this post can help!)

Maybe for you it’s a trip you want to take, language you want to explore, or relationship you want to foster. Maybe you’re also feeling too old, too scared, or too overwhelmed with the political climate to have the energy to be brave.

Or maybe, like me, you tried once, and felt like a scared failure when it didn’t work out.

If fear is holding you back, I have some good news, and I have some bad news.

Bad news, it’s not going away.

Good news, you’re not alone.

Recently, I listened to Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson interview Steven Spielberg for their podcast. Spielberg is notoriously reclusive when talking about his own life, preferring to focus on his art, but in this interview they went personal.

And in it, he shared that every single film feels like a scary new venture for him.

Yes, even the great Steven Spielberg gets nervous about making a movie.

He is surrounded by a loyal family-like crew that has been with him for decades, and yet the story, the actors, the sets, even some of that crew, it’s all new. Which means the expectations, the excitement, and the nerves are all new as well.

It’s got me wondering if any of us ever has an idea what we’re doing, or if we’re all just doing it scared and adjusting as we go.

And I think this might be especially true when it comes to love and art, the two things I’m exploring most in life right now.

It’s easy to say, “do it scared” but it’s another thing to actually do the damn thing when you’re shaking and feel like you’re going to puke.

I felt less alone as an artist, filmmaker, and human being in this world, knowing that even Steven Spielberg gets nervous starting a new project. It gave me inspiration to share that I am scared, nervous, and excited all at once — in case you also needed to know you’re not alone.

Some days, the only thing that gets me through is to think about how my bravery allows others to feel brave.

I came out when I was twelve. It felt like both nothing and everything at once. I’d known forever, everyone around me had known as well, and yet saying that I liked girls out loud suddenly made me the target of vitriol.

That I had anticipated. Since my early childhood, I’d been bullied for being fat, loud, and queer in every sense of the word. As heartbreaking as it sounds, I just expected people to always hate me for being me.

I’d always liked myself, but I just assumed no one would ever like me back. It’s a common theme in my work and a core wound I’m still trying to heal.

What I hadn’t anticipated were the people who whispered “me too” in my ear, confiding in me privately until they were ready to publicly say it.

I hadn’t known that my bravery would inspire others, who would in turn make me feel less alone and more brave.

Bravery is a glorious and magical cycle.

You just need someone to take the first step and get it started.

So, here I am, saying that I’m scared shitless I’m going to mess this short film up, but I’m doing it anyway, because I want to live a boldly creative life.

What about you?

What’s scaring you that you’re pushing through?

Where are you feeling brave these days?

Let me know in the comments.

Leave a comment

Let’s inspire each other to go out there and do it scared.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. I’m working on the crowdfunding incentives for my short film. If you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them! Picking the incentives is, hilariously, the scariest part of crowdfunding to me right now.

P.P.S. I still need cast and crew for my film!

• Want to join the crew? We need lighting, hair, makeup, sound, props, costumes, the works! Let me know if you want to join us by filling out this form.

• Want to the cast? I extended the deadline to June 15, so there’s still time to get your audition in! Fill out this form.

Do you ever feel like you’re just too old for something?

Lately, I’ve found myself worrying that I’m “past my prime” — which is hilarious considering I’m only 43. Statistically speaking, I’m only halfway through my life.

With my family’s genes, I could live to be 45 or 105. You never know.

What I do know is that life is too short to wait to go after your dreams.

Still, as I start pre-production on my first short film, I worry I’m way too late to the game.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had a bunch of surgeries lately. Maybe it’s because I started noticing the wrinkles in my face. Or maybe it’s because I’m trying to reenter an industry that values youth above all.

I keep wondering when I’m going to be brave enough to feel worthy of going after what I really want in life.

And then I have to laugh, because I already am.

I’ve Never Made One of Those Big Lists

I haven’t hit the New York Times Bestsellers list or been listed by Time or Out Magazines as an influential person.

I’m too late for one of those 40-Under-40 lists. Do they ever do 100 Under 100? I’d could maybe make that.

I was featured on the Autostraddle “50 Queer Women with Outrageously Good Hair” list in 2012. Peak of my career.

Other than that one brief brush – pun intended – with fame, I’ve never really been able to “make it big” in a way that got me to the level of success I expected by this age.

If I followed the advice I was given in my early twenties, by this time in life I should have $500,000 in retirement savings, a husband, two kids, and a dog.

One out of four ain’t bad?

At the very least, by 43 I thought I’d have my shit together in life.

But what does it even mean to have your shit together?

• I’ve been through decades of therapy, processed my trauma and I’m able to regulate my emotions. That’s together.

• I’ve got a creative business that pays my bills, a positive net worth, and financial stability. That’s together.

• I know how to keep it together under pressure.

• I can put an outfit together.

• I am great at gathering lovely humans together.

Does that mean I “have my shit together” as a 43 year old?

Your guess is as good as mine.

The Joy of Being “Over the Hill”

I grew up with people throwing graveyard themed parties when people turned 40 – the idea being that your life was over.

“It’s all downhill from here,” they would say.

But lately I’ve been wondering if it’s downhill in a good way.

Maybe time goes faster when you get older because you’re no longer carrying heavy baggage of youth.

Take my film career for example.

In my twenties, everyone in and out of film school made it very clear that Los Angeles would be horrible to a fat, queer, woman like me. I avoided filmmaking for two decades because of that.

In my forties, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like my body – I love it. I’m about as far out of the closet as someone can get and I couldn’t hide my queerness even if I wanted to. And I took years of self-defense classes, so I know exactly what to do if a man even tries to touch me in appropriately.

Making a short film now, the process is significantly less scary and more easeful than it was when I made my last film in 2005 – precisely because I am older.

Besides confidence and my mean right hook, I also come with twenty years of storytelling under my belt and a decade of working on massive live events that are like film productions.

I’ve been to law school, have done countless 33 Asks® sticker charts to build up my resilience, and have the confidence that if I can find a way to make it happen.

But even if I didn’t have all of that, I would still want to go after this goal.

Even if you are starting from zero, your dreams are still worth pursuing, no matter what your age.

And then, there’s dating.

Professionally, I have the confidence of a Queen. I easily converse with everyone from world leaders to best selling novelists, celebrities to sound techs.

But put me in front of a cute queer and suddenly I’m an awkward preteen staring at her crush from across the gym, unable to get the guts up to ask her to dance.

At least that’s how I was for the first 25 years of my dating life.

Then I turned 40 and suddenly I was a hot cougar.

In my 20’s, I dated closeted women who hid me away. Growing up, I’d been told how dangerous it was for me to be queer, how disgusting my body was for being fat, and that no one would want me because I was too loud and opinionated.

I liked myself, but I believed that no one else could like me, so I settled for assholes who treated me like I thought I deserved.

In my 40’s, I don’t give a $#!+ if you like me or not. I love myself and that’s all that matters. That love shines through and attracts others to me in ways I’d never experienced before – and am still not used to.

Plus, I just happen to be middle aged when it’s trending to date older women. It’s a whole thing right now, and I am regularly hit on by people who weren’t even born when I came out.

And while Lauren of even two years ago would have been flattered – and probably would have taken them up on the offer – these days I’m looking for something more substantial.

Which means I have to change my tactics.

What does a “thirst trap” look like when you’re 43 years old, have a successful career, and are looking for somebody who is emotionally regulated, financially stable, and wants to travel the world with you?

How do you swipe right on personality?

How do you check for talent on a dating app?

How do you filter for “I’ve been through some shit and I’ve healed through it, and I want you to have been through some shit and healed too”?

How does one date in their 40’s?

If you know how, please share with me. I can use all the dating tips I can get.

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Arriving with Leverage

I’m not going to lie, it is scary to explore a new storytelling medium in my forties. I can’t stop thinking that there’s no way I’ll catch up to the people who started twenty years ago.

But I would never tell a painter that she is too old to learn to sing.

I would never discourage an accountant from learning to roller skate.

I would never tell a child that she is too fat, queer, and feminine to follow her passions.

Even if people told me that.

So then, I will not tell my 43-year-old self that she is too late, too old, and too inexperienced to try something new.

And I hope that by sharing my journey, I am able to inspire and encourage you to go after your dreams as well – regardless of your age or experience level.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. Are you trying something new in your life? Reply and let me know, I’d love to cheer you on.

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Sharing Is Caring

If you’re interested in making movies, or just love to hear about the process, these books are great to pick up:

• Story by Robert McKee – the book everyone in the industry insists you read and truly a great one for any storytellers out there, regardless of your genre

• Dialogue by Robert McKee – this gave me such great tips for writing better scenes between characters

• The Original by Priya Parmar – I love how queer this book is and how wonderfully alive Hollywood feels in this novel

If you found this post to be inspiring, you’ll love my books:

• The Writer’s Career Guide: How to Build a Sustainable Creative Life on Your Terms – if you want to start a writing career and get paid for your creative work, I put everything I know into this book

• Bawdy Love: 10 Steps to Profoundly Loving Your Body – with its journal prompts and coloring pages, this book is fun and healing

• Because Fat Girl – a perfect summer read if you want to escape into a world of filmmaking that has fabulous fashion and a happy ending for all

Some of these are affiliate links, meaning I get a % if you buy through this link. It’s an easy way to support my work and get a great new read.

This summer I’m making a queer romcom here in San Diego with local cast and crew — and I want you to join in the fun.

Wow. It feels scary and exciting to say that out loud!

If you want to know why this is such a HUGE deal for me, here are some past posts talking about my history with film and television:

• Returning to My First Love of Filmmaking — And Asking If It’s Too Late

• Will This Help Me Win an Oscar Surrounded by People I Love?

• I Spent Years Thinking I Wasn’t Brave Enough for Hollywood

Long story short:

I started my career in film school, was highly discouraged from going into directing for Hollywood because I was a queer, fat, and femme.

A thoughtful professor told me I could have better luck in film if I wrote the book first, so I spent twenty years in publishing working on building up my brand as a writer.

Now, I have a book in almost every bookstore and airport in the nation and I’m ready to make films again – on my own terms.

Doing it My Way

Going into publishing, getting a law degree, and running my own business all looked like detours, but the whole time I kept my eye on the ultimate goal: multimedia storytelling.

My novel Because Fat Girl is a fictionalized memoir set in a world where I did move to L.A. to become a director. For two decades, I’ve gone to film festivals, taken classes, and read books on filmmaking. I’ve directed and produced numerous live events. I’ve kept my craft going even when Hollywood wasn’t watching.

When I panic that I’m forty-three and it’s way too late for me, I remind myself of this:

I’m not arriving late. I am arriving with experience.

Since I was a teen, I’ve felt like I was too late to the game. But life has taught me that no matter what age we are, there’s still time.

I’d love to know: what dreams are you arriving just on time to make come true?

Let me know in the comments so I can cheer you on.

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The greatest thing about being forty-three and heading back into filmmaking is I’m arriving with both leverage and confidence.

And a list of things I would have given up back then, but refuse to do so now.

• I refuse to silence my queer voice.

• I refuse to make my characters all be super thin.

• I refuse to leave my friends and family behind.

• I refuse to move to L.A. just because everyone tells me to.

• I refuse to be scared of the process.

• I refuse to let the cost keep me from doing it — because technology has changed and I know I can find a way.

• I refuse to feel too old to start again.

• I refuse to believe I wasn’t a filmmaker all along.

And I absolutely refuse to do this alone.

Which is why I’m bringing you along for every step of the process.

Want to Join in the Fun?

At a time when federal, state, and local governments are all defunding the arts, working together to make a movie is a radical act.

San Diego’s mayor just proposed a new budget that would radically and drastically cut all funding to the arts and culture.

My goal is not just to make a film, but to have a place for creatives to build community and make art together – regardless of the opinion of politicians.

A place where we honor collaboration over competition and celebrate the diversity of humans and talent in San Diego and beyond.

There are four ways you can be a part of this film:

1. Cast

2. Crew

3. Cheerleader

4. Investors

More on each below.

Star in the Film 🎭

Calling all experienced and aspiring actors: we need your talent!

Here are the four main roles I’m casting:

• Brooklyn — masc lesbian/enby queer, stylish, appears to be all smooth and full of swag, really heartbroken

• Sunshine — femme lesbian/enby queer, staunch vegan, uses her morals as a wall against connection

• Doug — kind but clueless straight man trying so hard to be a woke feminist

• Genevieve — colorful coffee shop worker who wishes she could just find a nice guy and settle down

Plus, we will need about 4–6 background actors.

Want to act in the film?

1. First: Fill out this form to get all the updates.

2. Second: Check out the casting call information and audition here!

Join the Crew 🎬

More of a behind-the-camera type? Love logistics and the technicalities of film? We’d love to have you on our crew.

Here are the skills we need and support team we’d love to help make this happen:

Pre-Production & Production:

• Director of Photography – this will be my friend Emily Deady!

• Assistant Director

• Assistant Producer

Production:

• Lighting tech

• Sound tech

• Makeup and hair

• Props and costumes

• Script supervisor

• Production assistants

• BTS/social photographer

• Catering

Post-production:

• Editor and color tech

• Sound tech

• Composer/musician

Want to be a part of the crew? Fill out this form to get all the updates.

Be a Cheerleader 📣

Making a film is a long process and taking on this endeavor is both scary and exciting all at once. That’s where you come in.

Having a team of people to cheer me on, spread the word, and eventually watch the film when it’s done will help me keep going when things feel overwhelming.

As a cheerleader, you get access to behind-the-scenes posts, insider’s look at production, and that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing you’re helping get queer stories out in the world.

Want to cheer us on and help spread the word? Fill out this form to get all the updates.

Become an Investor 💸

If you’re a financier who wants to support LGBTQ storytelling and get producer credit, reply to this email and let’s talk.

A crowdfunding campaign is coming as well, with really great perks planned. Fill out this form to get all the updates.

Benefits of Joining Us in Making a Movie:

• You get to help make a movie! That’s pretty cool.

• You’ll get clips for your reel and resume.

• Pay will depend on fundraising, but we strive to meet union minimums.

• All cast, crew, and financiers get credit in the film and on IMDB.

• The film will be pitched to festivals and streaming services.

• It will be creative and fun!

The world is on fire, and creativity is the balm.

Whether you want to be part of the cast or crew, invest in the film, or just watch it all unfold in real time — there’s a place for you on this project.

If you want in, fill out this form.

I’ll also be documenting the whole process here on Substack, so if you aren’t a subscriber yet, be sure to do that now.

Subscribe now

I cannot wait to make a movie with you!

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. Know someone who has always wanted to be in the movies? Got a friend in San Diego who would be a great member of our creative team? Have a following on social media who might want in? Share this post!

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I dream of winning an Oscar surrounded by people I love, and I’m pretty sure stickers are the key to making it happen.

Why stickers?

I’m glad you asked.

The Story Behind the Stickers

I wasn’t always a fan of stickers. I used to think they were a waste of resources.

And then my brother died.

A lot of my stories start that way. I wish more of them started with “and then my book became a massive success and I turned it into a movie that audiences loved, and I never had to worry about money again” — I like that one a lot better.

But unfortunately, so much of my creative life transformation started with death.

In March 2011, I was in my last semester of law school, studying for finals, serving on the board of multiple student organizations, volunteering in my community, speaking at major conferences, dating a new person, writing a weekly column for a national magazine, running my Queerie Bradshaw blog, and actively querying agents for my book.

Then, all hell broke loose.

• In April, my sister almost died giving birth to her second child.

• In May, right before finals, my brother was diagnosed with a very scary type of cancer.

• In June, on the way to my law school graduation ceremony, my grandmother had a stroke, and I spent the next ten days with her in the hospital as she passed away.

And that was just the beginning.

While my fellow graduates took the bar, I helped distract my sister’s kids as we waited in the hospital for my brother to come out of yet another surgery.

As my friends started new jobs, I started driving my brother to chemotherapy appointments.

They learned how to file a motion, I learned how to help clean a tracheotomy.

They got shiny new paychecks, and I got PTSD.

I’d gone from someone who identified as a high achiever to someone who was proud of herself if she took a shower that day.

Then, one of my best friends sent me some gold star stickers.

It was about a month after my brother died and I was barely functioning.

Every time I did something that required any sort of energy or responsibility, she told me to give myself a sticker.

It took me back to being a kid, working harder in class to get that gold star, reading more so I could win that personal pan pizza.

Each sticker was a little dopamine hit of happiness and joy.

Clean the dishes, get a sticker.

Go to therapy, get a sticker.

Send my manuscript out to five agents, get five stickers!

These weren’t just little pieces of paper, they were how I pieced my life back together.

And because of that, I became a fan of stickers.

Flash Forward a Decade and Once Again I Needed Stickers to Save Me

Like all of us, COVID caused a massive pivot in my life.

I went from being the right-hand creative content producer for celebrity speaker Tony Robbins, traveling around the world, running high-intensity events, and meeting the most interesting and influential humans … to stuck in a house with my sister, niblings, and two dogs.

I love my family dearly, but I much prefer being the fun aunt, not a full-time parent. I desperately needed a place of my own to be able to run my business and write my books without constant distractions.

As I was looking for a place to rent, I mindlessly scrolled Zillow — who didn’t during quarantine? — and stopped in my tracks when I saw a condo for sale in my favorite part of San Diego.

I remember as a kid thinking: if I ever live on that street, I’ll know I’ve made it.

My parents helped me with the down payment — I’m always transparent about that — but I got the place.

And then suddenly, unexpectedly, I had a mortgage to pay.

I needed more clients ASAP – which meant I had to get over my fear of putting myself out there.

So I thought back to the gold stars and set myself a challenge:

Over the next ten days, I am going to put myself out there 88 times — or hit $10,000 in the bank, whichever comes first.

To make the fear of rejection feel less overwhelming, I created a colorful sticker chart with built in rewards to track the process.

5 days and 32 asks later, I had:

• Over $16,000 in the bank, AND

• $60,000 more coming in over the next few months through payment plans.

I was absolutely shocked.

A one-page sticker chart had done for me what sales funnels and fancy marketing tricks could not.

This process had gained me clients and leveled up my business in a way that completely changed my finances.

But more importantly, it had helped me feel confident and comfortable talking about my creative projects with others and asking them if they wanted to join in the fun.

I started reflecting on my life and wondering:

Where else is my fear of rejection holding me back?

So, I experimented in other areas of my life, and two core findings stood out:

• My fear of rejection went down when I built the whole process around asking for what I want in life, and making the ask the win, not the outcome.

• Most of the time, I hit my goal about 20-30 asks in. Plus, I could make 1-2 asks a day over a month’s time and not get overwhelmed.

With that in mind, and my love of palindromes and the number 3, I decided to make 33 asks a month my new life goal.

And with that, 33 Asks® was born.

Since its inception in 2021, I’ve used 33 Asks® to:

• Generate over $475,000 in my business.

• Get a literary agent and a book deal.

• Start dating again.

• Restart my filmmaking career.

• Make friends in Mexico.

• Pack my Because Fat Girl book launch events and build a fan base that helped it get into airports and bookstores across the USA and read around the world.

• Find queer friends to go dancing with me.

I was even featured on Good Morning America talking about the process!

And today, I’m teaching you 33 Asks®!

33 Asks® is a way to build confidence, recover from rejection, and ask for what you want in life with joy using a simple one-page sticker-chart system that makes the process creative and fun.

I share it with you because it has truly changed my life and I want you to be able to use this process in your life as well.

You can learn the full process at 33Asks.com, but here’s the basic idea:

1. Start with why – what’s the point of this project for you?

• Humans are much more likely to do finish doing something if we have a defined purpose for why

• Your why can be fun (ex: I want to add more joy to my life), practical (I need $3500 a month more now to pay my mortgage), or a combination (I want to make a movie and need cast, crew, and financiers to do that).

2. Clearly define a singular goal that’s a reach, but not impossible.

• Clarity helps your brain know exactly where to put its energy.

• Making it a singular goal that’s a stretch for you but not impossible gives you focus and prevents overwhelm.

• Examples:

  • Instead of “I want to find a life partner” (that could be your why), try “I want to go on dates with people who are aligned with my bigger life goals.”

  • Instead of “I want to win an Oscar” (again, a good why), try “I want to find a stellar local actor for the lead in my short film”

  • Instead of “I want to be a millionaire with complete financial freedom” (you guessed it, also a why), try “I want to bring in $5,000 that I can put into my retirement account”

3. Build in rewards – this one is the most important step!

• When people ask me why 33 Asks® is so successful, I say it’s the built in rewards. This teaches our brains that putting ourselves out there and facing rejection is something we will benefit from, regardless of the outcome.

• You need at least one reward for making all 33 asks, but you can also create another reward for hitting your goal, if you want.

  • This is important: you MUST have a reward for making your asks. The asks matter more than the goal. More on that below.

• The rewards can be anything as long as it brings you joy and will motivate you. Here are some I’ve done:

  • A pair of rainbow Gucci shoes because they were bougie and gay just like me.

  • Month-long trip to Europe.

  • My favorite gluten-free pizza in town.

  • A new jumpsuit from a company I love.

  • A movie night on my sister’s sofa with popcorn and extra butter.

  • Game night with friends.

  • “Shopping spree” at the local library where I allow myself to check out as many things as I want, even if I know I’ll never get through it all.

• Notice most of those cost little to no money.

  • The key to a reward is joy, not price.

  • I was just as motivated by the gluten-free pizza as I was the trip to Europe.

  • Sometimes the bigger prizes feel overwhelming (like the Europe trip that I never took…) so don’t be afraid to pick something small but meaningful.

4. Make the ask the win!

• This is the genius of 33 Asks®. It rewards your brain for making the ask itself. It allows you to be attached to asking for what you want in life, not the outcome.

• Making the ask itself the win also keeps you from feeling like a pushy used car salesperson, since you’re rewarded simply for asking.

• This is the scary part, but you can do it! And if you want tips for how, check out 33Asks.com.

5. Make it creative and have fun – this is where the stickers come in!

• What separates a to-do list from a vision board? Color! Stickers! Images! And most of all, intention.

• Make the process of creating your one-page sticker chart a joyful one. Let it be a craft project. Use your creative imagination. Have fun!

• This not only taps into the crafter within us all, it also helps make it so your 33 Asks® sticker chart is something you want to actually look at and enjoy.

With all of that done – on a single piece of paper so you don’t feel overwhelmed! – you can now go out and ask 33 people to be a part of making your goal happen.

The point of 33 Asks® is to overcome a fear of rejection and ask for what you want in life.

It can be easy to make this process about hitting career goals, making money, or even getting laid.

But it’s about none of that.

33 Asks® is about feeling capable and confident in asking for what you want in life.

It’s about building resilience in a world full of rejection.

It’s about persevering so you can live a boldly creative life full of joy.

And it’s about finding a fun way to make your life dreams come true – whatever they are.

That’s why I do 33 Asks® for myself and teach it to others.

That’s why I’m sharing it here with you today, so you can learn it too.

The world is on fire, but creativity is the balm. Asking for what we want is how we feel empowered to make change.

Yes, I’d love you to take the full class at 33Asks.com, but more than that, I want you to go out there and ask for what you want in life and make your creative dreams come true.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and stickers,

Lauren

P.S. Now, I have an ask of you. If you enjoyed this post and found it helpful, can you please share it with a friend or on your social media? It’s a free and easy way to spread the love.

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This weekend, I struggled to practice what I preach.

I was supposed to send my Sunday letter to you yesterday, but I couldn’t get myself to finish it. I was too distracted by a pile of hate that was being dumped into the comments of an Instagram reel of mine.

For Lesbian Visibility Week, I posted a video talking about the difference between “lesbian” and “queer” — specifically how I identify as both, why queer feels more expansive to me, and how my novel Because Fat Girl explores what happens when a lesbian-identified character falls for a cis man, something a few people in my own life have navigated.

To me, it was a nuanced, personal conversation about identity, community, and why I love the word queer even as I claim lesbian with pride. Apparently, not everyone agreed.

Being told I am “not lesbian enough” is something I’ve dealt with since I came out at twelve. I’ve got 30+ years of receipts, I don’t need to prove myself to anyone.

Mostly, I ignored the haters.

But some comments still stung — especially ones saying my inclusive definition of lesbian and my novel Because Fat Girl give men permission to assault lesbians.

The general idea is that by saying I’m a lesbian who occasionally finds a man – specifically Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – attractive, I am playing into the idea that all lesbians just haven’t found the right man. And therefore, men could “change” them through coercion or force.

It’s something editors of my book worried about as well – and it’s total bullshit.

The only person at fault in that scenario is the man.

But we are so horrible at holding men accountable for their actions – especially when it comes to assault – that we instead blame someone like me, who talks about my lesbian identity with nuance.

It’s horrifically insulting and highly problematic.

I wanted to fight back.

I even recorded an angry response video!

Then I looked at my North Star vision board, my 3-Pillar Legacy, my primary question – all the things that make up my Creative Life Blueprint. All the things that matter to me in life.

Clapping back at strangers on the internet suddenly didn’t feel important anymore.

So I walked away.

I went to the San Diego Book Crawl and felt grounded in my literary community.

I spent a rainy day reading Behooved, a book with a character who also can’t digest gluten!, and felt less alone.

I danced along the shore with a friend from out of town and felt loved.

I did the work to define what matters to me and then followed the path I’d set out for the life I want to live.

I practiced what I teach in Creative Life Blueprint (you can get the full process I use here).

And I’m really proud of myself for that.

Let this be a reminder for all of us to get out of the comments and into a good book.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. Want to help cheer me up after all of that hate? Leave a 5-star review for Because Fat Girl on Amazon or Goodreads today. It really helps counteract the haters, boost my visibility, and help me get the next books out.

Books I found at the Book Crawl that I’m excited to read:

• Behooved by M. Stevenson – Magic, political treason, and gluten intolerance – I’m in!

• What Is Queer Food? by John Birdsall – A look at the history of queer culture through how we feed ourselves and others – I’m intrigued!

• Stages and Phases two poetry books by Tramaine Suubi – Tramaine said she decided to be her own Black queer archive and I LOVED that, so I bought all her books.

• Death Valley Blooms by S. M. Mack – I sat next to Smack during our book signings at UCSD and loved the premise of this fantasy novella set in the desert where I grew up.

When I took myself through my Creative Life Blueprint ritual (you can read all about it and take yourself through it for free here) one question emerged that has become my North Star:

Will this help me win an Oscar surrounded by people I love?

The layers of that question, I talk about here.

It’s more nuanced than you’d think.

It’s not just about the golden statue – although I’d love that! – but about the person I have to become, the life I have to embrace, and the art I have to make to win an Oscar and walk the red carpet with people I love.

I’ve been pretty great in the past with the whole chasing the dream against all odds thing. It took me twenty years, but I saw my book in airports across the nation. I know how to hustle and work hard in my career.

But I haven’t been great at letting romance, love, and intimacy into my life while doing it.

So, I’ve decided to put myself out there.

And it’s scary! But it’s less scary with you here along for the ride.

In this week’s Come With Me video, I decompress after a night of queer speed dating and share the realization that stopped me mid-conversation with a stranger:

I’ve been trying to get to the New York Times bestseller list before I’ve even written the first chapter.

I tell my story coaching clients this all the time: you can’t jump to the ending.

You have to write the book before you can make it a bestseller.

And I realized I was doing this in my dating life.

If someone wasn’t a marriage match from the start, I wouldn’t give them a chance. Which was hilarious because until recently, I wasn’t even interested in marriage.

What I called “high standards” was often walls put up to protect me from having to be intimate and vulnerable with people.

So I’m changing my question.

Instead of is this my person?

I’m asking: would I want to go sit down for an hour over tea with this person and have a conversation?

That one small shift changed everything about how speed dating felt.

And how did the event go?

Well you’ll have to watch the full video to find out!

I hope it inspires you to go out there, do something vulnerable, and take it one step at a time.

With love and creativity,

Lauren

P.S. Did you know I used to run a popular queer sex and relationships blog called Queerie Bradshaw? I revised it last summer here on Substack and will be posting more as I get back out there again.

If you want those posts, great! You don’t have to do anything.

But if you prefer to only hear about writing and creativity (or you’re my mom…), you can scroll down in your emails, click “unsubscribe” and you’ll be taken to a page that will let you opt-out of Queerie Bradshaw posts.

Because consent is sexy, even in emails.

Read more

Have you ever had a solid, multi-point plan for achieving your dreams, only to have fate look you dead in the eyes and laugh?

Sometimes, it’s a horrible twist – like when my brother was diagnosed with cancer during my last month of law school, then my grandmother had a stroke at my law school graduation, both of which derailed my plans to take the bar and become a lawyer.

Other times, it’s a happy twist – like when my cousin texted me from the airport saying he saw my book there and suddenly I was flooded with pics of travelers picking up my book, something I never thought possible for a debut novel.

I’m a dreamer and a doer, but looking back at my life, the most important and profound moments were never planned.

They were times when Fate, God, Life, the Universe, whatever you want to call it said “PSYCH” and pushed me off course.

They were moments of deep personal introspection that were so lonely and painful I never would have done them without being pushed.

They were moments of massive leaps forward I could never have imagined for myself.

I’m never going to be the person to tell you platitudes like “you’re so brave” or “God only gives his toughest tasks to his strongest warriors,” because screw that emotional bypassing bullshit.

But I will tell you this: 

People who have danced through the dark and come out the other side singing are magical humans.

There’s something witchy about a woman who has seen some shit and lived to tell the tale.

There’s something supernatural about someone who faces overwhelming oppression and chooses joy.

There is something phenomenal about building a strong foundation out of the ashes.

I know, because the life I live right now – one where I get to be a full-time creative who travels the world, is emotionally regulated, and has an amazingly supportive community in her life – was built from rock bottom, brick by brick.

If you are in an unplanned life pivot right now, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1. Who and what am I grateful for in my life?

2. Who and what do I love in my life?

3. Where and when can I add more joy, decadence and whimsy to my life?

Those three questions seem simple, but they’ll open up a world of truth within you. They’ll show you what’s missing and what you already have. They’ll help you decide what comes next and how you want it to feel.

Once you have the answers to those questions, you’ll be ready to start creating your own Creative Life Blueprint – the path you’ll take forward to build a life centered around that gratitude, love, and joy you just defined.

For that, you’ll need this post where I outline the whole process:

Or, if you want more handholding and group camaraderie, you can join me April 21 - June 3 for the Creative Life Blueprint group coaching program.

I’m offering it one time only to six people.

Reply if you want in.

Whatever path you choose, I hope you’re able to find the magic in the unplanned moments — the ones that punch you in the gut, the ones that surprise you with joy, and every one in between.

Because the world needs your story now more than ever.

With love and resilience,

Lauren

P.S. My Creative Life Blueprint coaching program starts April 21. I’m not offering this again and I only have one spot left, so reply now if you want it. I’d love to have you in.

I just got out of the shower.

I’m wearing my book nerd shirt.

I’m heading to book club soon – in fact, I am already late.

But I had to record this before I lost my nerve.

Here you have it, the first official announcement:

I am making a short film.

And I’m sharing the budget with you today.

Which is really scary! Not because it’s high (although it’s not cheap…) but because this means it’s all real.

I haven’t made an actual film since film school. As you can see in this video, I’m so nervous I’m shaking.

But I did my two-year life reset at the end of 2025.

I made my North Star question and declared it publicly:

Will this get me closer to winning an Oscar surrounded by people I love?

I am following my own Creative Life Blueprint and practicing what I preach.

But just because I’m doing the damn thing, doesn’t mean I’m not scared $#@!less!

It is so scary to no longer wonder if I can do it, and take the leap of faith to find out.

It’s so scary to enter back into an industry that has historically been unsafe for people like me – to go for a job I’d assumed I hadn’t been brave enough to pursue.

In this video I walk you through everything that goes into a micro-budget short film — from the DP and sound tech to the script supervisor I didn’t even know I needed, to festival submission fees, to feeding people because hangry crew members are nobody’s friend.

I don’t have the money to make this film right now. I don’t have the crew, or the cast, or the gear. I don’t remember most of what I learned in film school.

But I have my North Star. I have my Creative Life Blueprint.

And every time I get scared I come back to the same reminder: I never thought I’d have a book in airports across the country either.

If I can get Because Fat Girl out in the world after years of rejection, I can make a movie.

And in the end, I’d rather fail trying to do something I love than die never having tried.

If you want to define your own North Star, I’ve got two ways to help you:

1. I’ve outlined the full thing for free in this Substack post.

2. I’m offering a one-time only, small group coaching program to walk you through the process. It’s seven weeks long, and we start April 21. Interested? Reply to this message and I’ll send you the details.

I’m sharing both my Creative Life Blueprint process and behind-the-scenes of this movie with you to hopefully go out there, be brave, and do the boldly creative thing you dream of in your life.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With nervous excitement,

Lauren

P.S. As promised, here’s a screenshot of the general budget I’m working with. I don’t have the costs in, because … well it felt too scary to share just yet! But this gives you a general idea:

What makes somebody a creative?

When I first met Laura Eigel six years ago, she told me she was not a writer.

She was interested in joining my Write Your Friggin Book Already® program, but she was not a writer. She’d made books for friends as a kid and kept journals her whole life, but she was not a writer.

Two books out in the world now, and I think she is finally calling herself a writer.

Recently, my friend Max decided to join my Creative Life Blueprint coaching program (we start April 21 - want to join us?! Reply and I’ll send you the deets!).

When we first talked about it, he said, “I want to join, but I’m not really a creative.”

Max has fabulous fashion with a unique take on masc queer style. He’s a content creator that’s gone viral multiple times. He’s built a successful business and whittles wood for fun.

But he didn’t see himself as a creative.

What is it about the title “creative” that makes us so hesitant to claim ourselves as one?

It is not like the creativity is only accessible to an elite few. You can be a writer with a pen and paper. You can be an artist with things that you find in your home. Everybody is a content creator these days on the internet.

So why do we have this idea that only certain people get to call themselves creatives?

Elizabeth Gilbert has a famous Ted Talk on the concept of the genius that tries to answer this. It’s worth watching the whole thing but the general idea is that during the Renaissance we went from:

Anyone could be greeted by creative genius or could commune with the muses anytime.

to

One person is deemed a genius and all of us work to uphold that person’s genius.

It also not-so-coincidentally came around the time that the de Medici family was trying to hyper-monetize art and use capitalism and Catholicism to rule the world.

We talk about this time period as a beautiful period of creativity and it was also a time of massive racism, sexism, and depression. They glorified and idolized certain men like Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello – and no those aren’t just Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – while the laborers who made the art were treated as disposable.

Sound familiar?

We still live in the oppressive system the de Medici family made.

Today I want to encourage you to break free from it.

Right now, right here, I want you to embrace the term “creative” for yourself.

If you’re fighting with me on this, think about the last time you made a meal but sprinkled a little extra on top for flourish.

Or what about a time you added a pop of color to an outfit, or went all black as an expressive choice?

Do you have a kid in your life? Whether you birthed them or not, you’re helping to mold and shape their existence.

Picked out a new bedspread? That’s a creative choice.

Almost everything in our life requires creativity.

To be human is to create. And to create is to tap into your humanity.

And damn if we can’t all use more humanity right now in the world.

Being a creative has saved my life.

As a queer, fat, neurodiverse farmer’s daughter growing up in a small, conservative town, I had no positive images of people like me thriving in life.

Joy was my armor and creativity was my path out.

There wasn’t a reality around me where a girl like me got to grow up to be a world-traveling, joyful, successful author, filmmaker, and business owner. I had to create that vision for myself.

All the positive changes in the world – all the art, all the activism, all the technology, everything – only exist because someone was bold enough to be a creative.

Right now, we desperately need more creative energy. Not just for our own lives, but for the good of us all.

We need to make art.

We need to tell our stories.

We need to design positive futures.

I don’t have all of the answers, but I do have this six-step ritual that I’ve used time and again to reset my life to be a more boldly creative one.

And I’m sharing it with you in two ways:

1. I’ve outlined the full thing for free in this Substack post.

2. I’m offering a one-time only, small group coaching program to walk you through the process. It’s seven weeks long, and we start April 21. Interested? Reply to this message and I’ll send you the details.

I’m offering both of these options – the free self-study and the paid support – because I truly believe in the power of creativity to get us out of this overwhelmingly challenging time the world is living in right now.

I want to share the resources and tools I have with you, so you can go off and share them with others, so together we can create a more joyful, empathetic, and empowered world.

If my Creative Life Blueprint coaching program sounds intriguing to you, reply and I’ll help you decide if it’s the right fit.

At the very least, I hope this post inspired you to take a little step – just one little step is all you have to do! – towards embracing a boldly creative life for yourself.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. Comment below and let me know how you’re adding creativity to your life right now. We could all use some inspiration. <3

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My heart hurts.

I can't stop a war.
But I’m tired of feeling useless. So I’m making a list of what I can do.

I can write a book that expands empathy.
I can encourage you to use your voice.
I can hug my neighbor and feed her a meal when she gets home from a long shift at the hospital.
I can learn the names of the homeless people living in the park by my house.
I can buy a drink from the queer and immigrant owned coffee shops in my neighborhood.
I can host a two-hour picnic in the park with friends.
I can call my representatives.
I can remind friends to vote.
I can invite friends over to paint.
I can adamantly and vocally oppose the policies of this regime.
I can have conversations with people from the other side of the aisle helping us see the humanity in each other.
I can walk into a bathroom with a trans friend.
I can tell the queer and trans people I know in my life that I love and value them.
I can support immigrant organizations and give to GoFundMe's.
I can go to film festivals and cheer on local artists.

And I can take a moment, in the darkest of times, to remind you all that collective humanity is how we stop wars.

I can encourage you to tap into your creativity, participate in your communities, and interact with other people and cultures.

Because when we do, we don't sit by and let a president call for the full annihilation of a civilization.

If you need support figuring out what steps you can take, comment below or reply to this email and I'll help you find one that feels doable to you.

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We’re all in this together.

So much love,

Lauren

P.S. Journaling helps me a lot in hard times like this, so my Journal Through It course is free right now with the code LOVE to help support you.

Also, here are some other posts that might feel supportive as well:

Today, I wanted to write a whole article about the resurrection stories throughout time. I love how the tales of the Sumerian goddess Ereshkigal and her sister Inanna – two of my favorite figures in religious history – and how their story became Hecate and Persephone to the Greeks, then Lilith and Eve to the Jews, and even was incorporated into stories of Jesus’s resurrection.

I wanted to geek out over the history of magical myths and how religious tales help us to make sense of a complex and hard world.

But then I sat down to write and all I could think about was the Voladores of Veracruz.

I kept remembering the way they surrendered to the ritual, having patience for the process, going around and around and around again all in a beautiful dance to their gods.

And how much that inspired me to keep going, both as an artist and as a human.

So, instead of my nerdy history lesson, I’m giving you an excerpt from a book I am writing about my time in Mexico City.

I hope you find magic in it like I did.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. This is what it looks like to live a boldly creative life. Not just the travel to Mexico, but also following what calls to you even when the "strategic" thing is something else entirely.

If you want help building that kind of life for yourself, I have four spots left in my Creative Life Blueprint program. We start April 17. Reply to this email if you want in.

Live a Boldly Creative Life

P.P.S. While my Sunday letters are usually free, this book is a work in progress and I can’t yet share it publicly for the whole internet to see, so I’m putting the excerpt behind a paywall. Thanks for understanding and supporting my work.

Subscribe now

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The world is on fire.

Creativity is the fire hose.

In 2012, my brother died. The aftermath sent me spiraling down and I hit rock bottom. Hard.

As I sat there, unsure what to do next, one question kept coming to me: what do I want said at my funeral about how I lived my life?

I got out a piece of paper and some colorful pens and wrote down the answer.

Knowing I was in a rough place and needed some dopamine, a friend had shipped me stickers to give myself when I did a good job. So I decorated that piece of paper with stickers.

And my Creative Life Blueprint was born.

Since then, it has become the framework behind every decision I’ve made — from launching my business to promoting my hit novel to dating new people.

It gives me a North Star to follow as I navigate the seas of life, and I’m not sure where I’d be without it.

Over the past year, I’ve shared it privately with friends and they found it so life-changing that I decided to share it in a post here on Substack.

Did you read that post?

Over 1,000 of you did. The comments were small but the emails were huge. People wrote saying it gave them hope they too could live a boldly creative life.

I was going to write it as a book. But as I responded to those messages, an idea kept sprouting:

What if I gathered a small group of people together to go through the Creative Life Blueprint process?

That idea kept growing — fueled by every message from readers and every voice note from a friend about how desperately they need more creativity in their life right now.

So, %#$! it. I’m offering this as a program.

Seven weeks. Six people. One time.

Which is all so damn scary.

As I talk about in this week’s Come With Me video, it’s nerve-wracking to launch something new into the world — and even more so knowing I’m only doing it once.

But I only ran a marathon once. I only lived in Italy and the Czech Republic once. I only traditionally published a novel once.

I might do them all again. But there is only ever that one first time.

There is only ever this one life.

We might as well make it a boldly creative one.

➡️ If you want in, reply to this email and I’ll send you the details.

And while I’d love to coach you through it, the full process is free for everyone here.

Because the world needs your story (and creativity and art and joy) now more than ever.

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. I only have 6 spots, so if you want one, reply now. We start April 17.

P.P.S. My Come With Me videos are usually for paid subscribers only, but I'm making this one free so you can hear more about the Creative Life Blueprint process.

Recently, I took an acting class and the teacher gave me this note:

You use joy as armor.

And damn, if that wasn’t completely spot on for how I’m dealing with the world right now.

To be openly gay in the face of fascism is a radical act.

If you think calling the Trump administration “fascism” feel hyperbolic, might I suggest reading this.

The America that the alt-right MAGA lovers long for is the one I sadly grew up in – and not one I’m keen to return to.

• Boys Don’t Cry and the Matthew Shephard story taught me that people could beat me to death and get away with it.

• Stories about LGBTQ characters barely existed and when they did they centered on our trauma and pain.

• Churches and youth prayer groups at my high school framed LGBTQ people like me as sexual predators who deserved the violence they got.

• I came out before there were drugs for HIV, volunteered weekly at the SF AIDS Foundation in college, and was raised by gay bears telling me stories of horrific loss.

With that discourse all around me, it could have been easy to believe that being gay was lonely, miserable, and even deadly.

In reality, being openly queer has proven to be a joyful, loving, and affirming existence.

While LGBTQ people have faced and still face horrific oppression around the world – even in safe havens like California – overall we are a community rooted in joy.

Gay literally means lighthearted and carefree – and we take that word seriously.

There is a Dan Savage quote making its way around the internet right now that I come back to again and again:

“During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night.”

That is what it means to be gay.

Gay resilience has always centered love and pleasure.

Gay people have always found a way to dance through our grief.

Gay power has always existed in the combination of our collective activism and our communal joy.

Joy has always been our armor.

As a community, at least.

Personally, I used anger for way too long. Spite, bitterness, jealousy, cruelty, I wore those like badges of honor guarding my heart.

But every time I danced to Robyn on a crowded dance floor or sang my heart out at a Tegan and Sara concert, I remembered that there is nothing more radical than open expressions of queer joy and love.

We’ve had joy as armor longer than we’ve had legal protections.

I came out at twelve, but…

• I was twenty years old and living in Italy when the U.S. Supreme Court decided Lawrence v. Texas – the landmark case that rule anti-sodomy laws aimed at criminalizing gay people as unconstitutional.

• I was twenty-seven years old and in law school when I interned at the National Center for LGBTQ Rights and helped do research for Obergefell v. Hodges – the landmark case that challenge California’s Prop 8 banning same sex marriage.

• I was thirty-three when Obergefell v. Hodges declared a fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples.

At forty-three, I’m going to fight my ass off to keep these legal protections for my community, but I’m not going to let the courts decide my right to exist.

I’m going to keep kissing girls and enbies.

I’m going to keep affirming trans and non-binary existences.

I’m going to keep attending BDSM events.

I’m going to keep fucking with gender norms and using xe/xir pronouns.

I’m going to keep asking cute queers to dance with me.

And the more the world is on fire, the sexier, kinkier, and more joyful I’m going to get.

As things get worse and worse in my country, all I want to do is get more and more gay.

In every sense of the word.

I want to laugh more.

I want to dance more.

I want to travel more.

I want to be sexier and kinkier and write all about it.

I want to go on more dates.

I want to feel more love.

I want to feel more gratitude.

I want to feel more joy.

And yes, all of that is my armor.

But it is also my truth.

Because when we lose the love and we lose the joy then we lose the battle.

And I refuse to let those hateful fuckers win.

With joy in the face of it all,

Lauren

P.S. While joy is wonderful, it’s also not enough. If you need legal support, or have energy to support LGBTQ causes right now, check out the National Center for LGBTQ Rights. I know their work intimately and can vouch for how important and powerful it is.

Dear friend,

My buddy — the poet who mails letters to her Substack subscribers — asked me recently what journals I use and whether I keep different ones for different projects.

I was about to just reply to her directly.

Then I thought: why don’t I invite you along as well?

In this video I walk you through my actual journaling practice — the notebooks, the planner, the iPad app, the whole thing. But more than the tools, I talk about the one shift that made me a real journaler after years of thinking I was doing it wrong.

Spoiler: I had to let go of the idea that there is a right and wrong way to journal.

The full video is for paid subscribers. If you’re not one yet, now’s a great time to join.

I hope this inspired you to let go of perfection, stop waiting for the “right” notebook, and simply jot your ideas down in whatever way makes you happy.

With tea, a pen, a notebook, and hope,

Lauren

P.S. Looking for inspiration to get your journaling practice started? Check out this post with 13 Journaling Prompts to Help Bring Light Into Your Life.

Journals, tools, and people mentioned in this video:

• and her Substack Brackish, which sends poetry mailers to paid subscribers!

• GoodNotes App for iPad

• Passion Planner – my favorite physical planner

• Decomposition Books – their spiral bound, college rule notebooks are my favorite to use

  • Here’s the kittens in space one I showed

  • Here’s the fairy tale forest one I showed

  • The above notebook links are affiliate links for Amazon, but you can get them at a local bookstore usually, which I highly recommend!

• My course Journal Through It: From “Oh $#@!” to “I’ve got this!” in 15 Minutes is free right now with code LOVE.

  Get More Journaling Support

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Spring has officially sprung in the Northern Hemisphere, and I celebrated the equinox by having a picnic with my friends and napping in the park with Albee.

Did you celebrate?

Let me know in the comments.

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About a decade ago I realized that I cannot go-go-go all year long.

Just like nature has its seasons, so do we.

Fall and winter are for thinking.

That’s when I deep dive into myself. It’s a time for creative exploration, one-on-one chats with friends, solo trips to foreign countries, early bedtimes, and drinking tea while I make it through my TBR list.

Fall is a great time to grieve. Winter is a great time to rest.

Spring and summer are for doing.

That’s when I step out into the light. It’s a time for late night dance parties, promoting creative projects, group picnics in the park, traveling with friends, and sipping mocktails on my patio while I write books and scripts.

Spring is a great time to be horny for life. Summer is a great time to fall in love with the world around you.

One is dark and introspective. One is light and extroverted. Both are equally important to living a boldly creative life.

I used to fight these seasons, and now I embrace them.

Sure, there are things that need to get done all year round. Laundry. Paying bills. Feeding yourself. Fighting fascism.

But when I plan out my life (using this system I shared with you), I make sure to honor that my energy and needs are different in each season.

In honor of Spring, I’ve put together some journaling prompts for you!

Please, for the love of all things creative, do not try to do every single one of these journaling prompts. Simply skim through this list and see which one calls to you and spend some time writing about it.

Just 15 minutes a day has been proven to reduce depression as much as meditation and even, in some people, as much as antidepressant medication.

The biggest thing I see keeping people back from journaling is thinking that they need to do it perfectly or they need to do it for a long period of time or every single day.

If you take even five minutes right now to think through one of these questions, you will be better set to have the kind of spring and summer that awakens your life.

Ready?

Let’s go!

13 Journaling Prompts to Help Bring Light Into Your Life

1. What is one creative project, just one, that I would love to accomplish between now and September 1st?

2. What’s holding me back from falling even deeper in love – with someone else, with myself, with creativity, with life? (more on that here)

3. What did I grieve this fall? What did I release and let go of?

4. Did this winter rejuvenate me or deplete me? What energy level do I have going into spring?

5. Make a Need, Want, Can’t List.

   1. In the Need column, write down everything that is an absolute must for you this spring and summer.

   2. In the can’t column, put down everything that you will not put up with this spring and summer and everything that you just can’t take on during this season.

   3. In the Want column, put all the things that would be fun to do over the next six months, but that are not necessary.

   4. Put your list somewhere where you can look at it every day to remind yourself of your aligned priorities.

6. If I could pick one area in my life where I want to be braver in this season, where would that be?

7. What feels rejuvenating for me right now?

8. Think about where you want to be two years from now on the equinox. Write a letter to yourself now from that person. (more on your Two Year North Star here)

9. Write a letter to your future self and send it. I love Future Me for this.

10. Is there a dream – big or small – that you’ve wanted to pursue that you’ve put off for too long?

11. How can you get even sexier and kinkier this spring? (more on that here)

12. What does activism look like to me during this season? (more on being a reluctant activist here)

13. How can I use this season to be even more creative, witchy, and joyful?

Want more journaling support? Check out my course Journal Through It: From “Oh $#@!” to “I’ve got this!” in 15 Minutes.

Get it free for a limited time with code LOVE.

You have your prompts, now go journal!

Then, come back here and let me know:

• Do you find your life to be cyclical and seasonal?

• How does spring energy differ from fall energy for you?

• Which prompt called to you? How did it go writing it?

Let me know in the comments!

Leave a comment

I’m excited to hear how your spring plays out.

With love, light, and a fan because it’s already getting hot in SoCal!

Lauren

P.S. Are you a paid subscriber? If so, I’ve got 7 more prompts below for you!

If not, now is a great time to join.

Subscribe now

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I had a full meltdown today trying to use QuickBooks.

Like, cried-in-the-park, called-a-friend-sobbing, questioned-my-entire-worth meltdown.

I’m a person with a book in airports across the country. A successful company. Films in progress. I have both objective, subjective success!

And yet — one confusing piece of software and suddenly I’m asking:

If I can’t figure out QuickBooks, how can I run a business?

If I can’t run a business, how can I make money?

If I can’t make money, what value do I have in this world?

That last one took me out and made me cry even harder.

I thought – if this is something happening in my brain, it’s probably happening in my readers brains as well. So I made you a video.

In it, I talk about art, money, capitalism, and what it actually means to keep living a boldly creative life, even when the world is on fire around you.

I say the world needs our stories now more than ever because it’s true.

As capitalism and fascism both rise in power, we need to surround ourselves even more with art and artists.

Subscribing to my Substack is a great place to start. I’ve got plenty of free and paid inspiration for you on here.

Subscribe now

If you want lovely poetry and inspiration sent to your inbox, you should subscribe to my friend ’s Substack Brackish.

15/10 suggest becoming a paid subscriber of hers so you can get poetry and art in the mail. It’s so lovely in these hard times to get letters from Katie.

You can do that here:

Brackish

Hello, you! I’m Katie—welcome to Brackish. This is where I share spoken word poetry as well as my podcast of the same name. Join me to receive nature-inspired poetry in your inbox and on your doormat – yes, actual snail mail!

By Katie Treggiden

I’d love to know — how have you been?

For those in the USA, are you surviving tax season?

For everyone everywhere, I’d love to know what art you’re making or consuming right now.

Let me know in the comments.

Leave a comment

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. My accountant and friend Erica Martinez helped me to figure out my QuickBooks. Saved the day!

Erica and I have worked on two books together and I highly suggest both of them! One is a primer for taxes which I use as a guidebook in my business and the other is an adorable book helping explain taxes to kids.

And the kids book is wonderfully artistic with illustrations from Yuki Okada.

Check them out below:

Taxes 101 for Entrepreneurs: How to reduce your tax burden, stay in compliance, and keep money in your bank account

What Are Taxes?: A Fun Introduction to Money Concepts for Kids

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