Do you ever feel like you’re just too old for something?

Lately, I’ve found myself worrying that I’m “past my prime” — which is hilarious considering I’m only 43. Statistically speaking, I’m only halfway through my life.

With my family’s genes, I could live to be 45 or 105. You never know.

What I do know is that life is too short to wait to go after your dreams.

Still, as I start pre-production on my first short film, I worry I’m way too late to the game.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had a bunch of surgeries lately. Maybe it’s because I started noticing the wrinkles in my face. Or maybe it’s because I’m trying to reenter an industry that values youth above all.

I keep wondering when I’m going to be brave enough to feel worthy of going after what I really want in life.

And then I have to laugh, because I already am.

I’ve Never Made One of Those Big Lists

I haven’t hit the New York Times Bestsellers list or been listed by Time or Out Magazines as an influential person.

I’m too late for one of those 40-Under-40 lists. Do they ever do 100 Under 100? I’d could maybe make that.

I was featured on the Autostraddle “50 Queer Women with Outrageously Good Hair” list in 2012. Peak of my career.

Other than that one brief brush – pun intended – with fame, I’ve never really been able to “make it big” in a way that got me to the level of success I expected by this age.

If I followed the advice I was given in my early twenties, by this time in life I should have $500,000 in retirement savings, a husband, two kids, and a dog.

One out of four ain’t bad?

At the very least, by 43 I thought I’d have my shit together in life.

But what does it even mean to have your shit together?

• I’ve been through decades of therapy, processed my trauma and I’m able to regulate my emotions. That’s together.

• I’ve got a creative business that pays my bills, a positive net worth, and financial stability. That’s together.

• I know how to keep it together under pressure.

• I can put an outfit together.

• I am great at gathering lovely humans together.

Does that mean I “have my shit together” as a 43 year old?

Your guess is as good as mine.

The Joy of Being “Over the Hill”

I grew up with people throwing graveyard themed parties when people turned 40 – the idea being that your life was over.

“It’s all downhill from here,” they would say.

But lately I’ve been wondering if it’s downhill in a good way.

Maybe time goes faster when you get older because you’re no longer carrying heavy baggage of youth.

Take my film career for example.

In my twenties, everyone in and out of film school made it very clear that Los Angeles would be horrible to a fat, queer, woman like me. I avoided filmmaking for two decades because of that.

In my forties, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like my body – I love it. I’m about as far out of the closet as someone can get and I couldn’t hide my queerness even if I wanted to. And I took years of self-defense classes, so I know exactly what to do if a man even tries to touch me in appropriately.

Making a short film now, the process is significantly less scary and more easeful than it was when I made my last film in 2005 – precisely because I am older.

Besides confidence and my mean right hook, I also come with twenty years of storytelling under my belt and a decade of working on massive live events that are like film productions.

I’ve been to law school, have done countless 33 Asks® sticker charts to build up my resilience, and have the confidence that if I can find a way to make it happen.

But even if I didn’t have all of that, I would still want to go after this goal.

Even if you are starting from zero, your dreams are still worth pursuing, no matter what your age.

And then, there’s dating.

Professionally, I have the confidence of a Queen. I easily converse with everyone from world leaders to best selling novelists, celebrities to sound techs.

But put me in front of a cute queer and suddenly I’m an awkward preteen staring at her crush from across the gym, unable to get the guts up to ask her to dance.

At least that’s how I was for the first 25 years of my dating life.

Then I turned 40 and suddenly I was a hot cougar.

In my 20’s, I dated closeted women who hid me away. Growing up, I’d been told how dangerous it was for me to be queer, how disgusting my body was for being fat, and that no one would want me because I was too loud and opinionated.

I liked myself, but I believed that no one else could like me, so I settled for assholes who treated me like I thought I deserved.

In my 40’s, I don’t give a $#!+ if you like me or not. I love myself and that’s all that matters. That love shines through and attracts others to me in ways I’d never experienced before – and am still not used to.

Plus, I just happen to be middle aged when it’s trending to date older women. It’s a whole thing right now, and I am regularly hit on by people who weren’t even born when I came out.

And while Lauren of even two years ago would have been flattered – and probably would have taken them up on the offer – these days I’m looking for something more substantial.

Which means I have to change my tactics.

What does a “thirst trap” look like when you’re 43 years old, have a successful career, and are looking for somebody who is emotionally regulated, financially stable, and wants to travel the world with you?

How do you swipe right on personality?

How do you check for talent on a dating app?

How do you filter for “I’ve been through some shit and I’ve healed through it, and I want you to have been through some shit and healed too”?

How does one date in their 40’s?

If you know how, please share with me. I can use all the dating tips I can get.

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Arriving with Leverage

I’m not going to lie, it is scary to explore a new storytelling medium in my forties. I can’t stop thinking that there’s no way I’ll catch up to the people who started twenty years ago.

But I would never tell a painter that she is too old to learn to sing.

I would never discourage an accountant from learning to roller skate.

I would never tell a child that she is too fat, queer, and feminine to follow her passions.

Even if people told me that.

So then, I will not tell my 43-year-old self that she is too late, too old, and too inexperienced to try something new.

And I hope that by sharing my journey, I am able to inspire and encourage you to go after your dreams as well – regardless of your age or experience level.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. Are you trying something new in your life? Reply and let me know, I’d love to cheer you on.

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Sharing Is Caring

If you’re interested in making movies, or just love to hear about the process, these books are great to pick up:

• Story by Robert McKee – the book everyone in the industry insists you read and truly a great one for any storytellers out there, regardless of your genre

• Dialogue by Robert McKee – this gave me such great tips for writing better scenes between characters

• The Original by Priya Parmar – I love how queer this book is and how wonderfully alive Hollywood feels in this novel

If you found this post to be inspiring, you’ll love my books:

• The Writer’s Career Guide: How to Build a Sustainable Creative Life on Your Terms – if you want to start a writing career and get paid for your creative work, I put everything I know into this book

• Bawdy Love: 10 Steps to Profoundly Loving Your Body – with its journal prompts and coloring pages, this book is fun and healing

• Because Fat Girl – a perfect summer read if you want to escape into a world of filmmaking that has fabulous fashion and a happy ending for all

Some of these are affiliate links, meaning I get a % if you buy through this link. It’s an easy way to support my work and get a great new read.

This summer I’m making a queer romcom here in San Diego with local cast and crew — and I want you to join in the fun.

Wow. It feels scary and exciting to say that out loud!

If you want to know why this is such a HUGE deal for me, here are some past posts talking about my history with film and television:

• Returning to My First Love of Filmmaking — And Asking If It’s Too Late

• Will This Help Me Win an Oscar Surrounded by People I Love?

• I Spent Years Thinking I Wasn’t Brave Enough for Hollywood

Long story short:

I started my career in film school, was highly discouraged from going into directing for Hollywood because I was a queer, fat, and femme.

A thoughtful professor told me I could have better luck in film if I wrote the book first, so I spent twenty years in publishing working on building up my brand as a writer.

Now, I have a book in almost every bookstore and airport in the nation and I’m ready to make films again – on my own terms.

Doing it My Way

Going into publishing, getting a law degree, and running my own business all looked like detours, but the whole time I kept my eye on the ultimate goal: multimedia storytelling.

My novel Because Fat Girl is a fictionalized memoir set in a world where I did move to L.A. to become a director. For two decades, I’ve gone to film festivals, taken classes, and read books on filmmaking. I’ve directed and produced numerous live events. I’ve kept my craft going even when Hollywood wasn’t watching.

When I panic that I’m forty-three and it’s way too late for me, I remind myself of this:

I’m not arriving late. I am arriving with experience.

Since I was a teen, I’ve felt like I was too late to the game. But life has taught me that no matter what age we are, there’s still time.

I’d love to know: what dreams are you arriving just on time to make come true?

Let me know in the comments so I can cheer you on.

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The greatest thing about being forty-three and heading back into filmmaking is I’m arriving with both leverage and confidence.

And a list of things I would have given up back then, but refuse to do so now.

• I refuse to silence my queer voice.

• I refuse to make my characters all be super thin.

• I refuse to leave my friends and family behind.

• I refuse to move to L.A. just because everyone tells me to.

• I refuse to be scared of the process.

• I refuse to let the cost keep me from doing it — because technology has changed and I know I can find a way.

• I refuse to feel too old to start again.

• I refuse to believe I wasn’t a filmmaker all along.

And I absolutely refuse to do this alone.

Which is why I’m bringing you along for every step of the process.

Want to Join in the Fun?

At a time when federal, state, and local governments are all defunding the arts, working together to make a movie is a radical act.

San Diego’s mayor just proposed a new budget that would radically and drastically cut all funding to the arts and culture.

My goal is not just to make a film, but to have a place for creatives to build community and make art together – regardless of the opinion of politicians.

A place where we honor collaboration over competition and celebrate the diversity of humans and talent in San Diego and beyond.

There are four ways you can be a part of this film:

1. Cast

2. Crew

3. Cheerleader

4. Investors

More on each below.

Star in the Film 🎭

Calling all experienced and aspiring actors: we need your talent!

Here are the four main roles I’m casting:

• Brooklyn — masc lesbian/enby queer, stylish, appears to be all smooth and full of swag, really heartbroken

• Sunshine — femme lesbian/enby queer, staunch vegan, uses her morals as a wall against connection

• Doug — kind but clueless straight man trying so hard to be a woke feminist

• Genevieve — colorful coffee shop worker who wishes she could just find a nice guy and settle down

Plus, we will need about 4–6 background actors.

Want to act in the film?

1. First: Fill out this form to get all the updates.

2. Second: Check out the casting call information and audition here!

Join the Crew 🎬

More of a behind-the-camera type? Love logistics and the technicalities of film? We’d love to have you on our crew.

Here are the skills we need and support team we’d love to help make this happen:

Pre-Production & Production:

• Director of Photography – this will be my friend Emily Deady!

• Assistant Director

• Assistant Producer

Production:

• Lighting tech

• Sound tech

• Makeup and hair

• Props and costumes

• Script supervisor

• Production assistants

• BTS/social photographer

• Catering

Post-production:

• Editor and color tech

• Sound tech

• Composer/musician

Want to be a part of the crew? Fill out this form to get all the updates.

Be a Cheerleader 📣

Making a film is a long process and taking on this endeavor is both scary and exciting all at once. That’s where you come in.

Having a team of people to cheer me on, spread the word, and eventually watch the film when it’s done will help me keep going when things feel overwhelming.

As a cheerleader, you get access to behind-the-scenes posts, insider’s look at production, and that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing you’re helping get queer stories out in the world.

Want to cheer us on and help spread the word? Fill out this form to get all the updates.

Become an Investor 💸

If you’re a financier who wants to support LGBTQ storytelling and get producer credit, reply to this email and let’s talk.

A crowdfunding campaign is coming as well, with really great perks planned. Fill out this form to get all the updates.

Benefits of Joining Us in Making a Movie:

• You get to help make a movie! That’s pretty cool.

• You’ll get clips for your reel and resume.

• Pay will depend on fundraising, but we strive to meet union minimums.

• All cast, crew, and financiers get credit in the film and on IMDB.

• The film will be pitched to festivals and streaming services.

• It will be creative and fun!

The world is on fire, and creativity is the balm.

Whether you want to be part of the cast or crew, invest in the film, or just watch it all unfold in real time — there’s a place for you on this project.

If you want in, fill out this form.

I’ll also be documenting the whole process here on Substack, so if you aren’t a subscriber yet, be sure to do that now.

Subscribe now

I cannot wait to make a movie with you!

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. Know someone who has always wanted to be in the movies? Got a friend in San Diego who would be a great member of our creative team? Have a following on social media who might want in? Share this post!

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I dream of winning an Oscar surrounded by people I love, and I’m pretty sure stickers are the key to making it happen.

Why stickers?

I’m glad you asked.

The Story Behind the Stickers

I wasn’t always a fan of stickers. I used to think they were a waste of resources.

And then my brother died.

A lot of my stories start that way. I wish more of them started with “and then my book became a massive success and I turned it into a movie that audiences loved, and I never had to worry about money again” — I like that one a lot better.

But unfortunately, so much of my creative life transformation started with death.

In March 2011, I was in my last semester of law school, studying for finals, serving on the board of multiple student organizations, volunteering in my community, speaking at major conferences, dating a new person, writing a weekly column for a national magazine, running my Queerie Bradshaw blog, and actively querying agents for my book.

Then, all hell broke loose.

• In April, my sister almost died giving birth to her second child.

• In May, right before finals, my brother was diagnosed with a very scary type of cancer.

• In June, on the way to my law school graduation ceremony, my grandmother had a stroke, and I spent the next ten days with her in the hospital as she passed away.

And that was just the beginning.

While my fellow graduates took the bar, I helped distract my sister’s kids as we waited in the hospital for my brother to come out of yet another surgery.

As my friends started new jobs, I started driving my brother to chemotherapy appointments.

They learned how to file a motion, I learned how to help clean a tracheotomy.

They got shiny new paychecks, and I got PTSD.

I’d gone from someone who identified as a high achiever to someone who was proud of herself if she took a shower that day.

Then, one of my best friends sent me some gold star stickers.

It was about a month after my brother died and I was barely functioning.

Every time I did something that required any sort of energy or responsibility, she told me to give myself a sticker.

It took me back to being a kid, working harder in class to get that gold star, reading more so I could win that personal pan pizza.

Each sticker was a little dopamine hit of happiness and joy.

Clean the dishes, get a sticker.

Go to therapy, get a sticker.

Send my manuscript out to five agents, get five stickers!

These weren’t just little pieces of paper, they were how I pieced my life back together.

And because of that, I became a fan of stickers.

Flash Forward a Decade and Once Again I Needed Stickers to Save Me

Like all of us, COVID caused a massive pivot in my life.

I went from being the right-hand creative content producer for celebrity speaker Tony Robbins, traveling around the world, running high-intensity events, and meeting the most interesting and influential humans … to stuck in a house with my sister, niblings, and two dogs.

I love my family dearly, but I much prefer being the fun aunt, not a full-time parent. I desperately needed a place of my own to be able to run my business and write my books without constant distractions.

As I was looking for a place to rent, I mindlessly scrolled Zillow — who didn’t during quarantine? — and stopped in my tracks when I saw a condo for sale in my favorite part of San Diego.

I remember as a kid thinking: if I ever live on that street, I’ll know I’ve made it.

My parents helped me with the down payment — I’m always transparent about that — but I got the place.

And then suddenly, unexpectedly, I had a mortgage to pay.

I needed more clients ASAP – which meant I had to get over my fear of putting myself out there.

So I thought back to the gold stars and set myself a challenge:

Over the next ten days, I am going to put myself out there 88 times — or hit $10,000 in the bank, whichever comes first.

To make the fear of rejection feel less overwhelming, I created a colorful sticker chart with built in rewards to track the process.

5 days and 32 asks later, I had:

• Over $16,000 in the bank, AND

• $60,000 more coming in over the next few months through payment plans.

I was absolutely shocked.

A one-page sticker chart had done for me what sales funnels and fancy marketing tricks could not.

This process had gained me clients and leveled up my business in a way that completely changed my finances.

But more importantly, it had helped me feel confident and comfortable talking about my creative projects with others and asking them if they wanted to join in the fun.

I started reflecting on my life and wondering:

Where else is my fear of rejection holding me back?

So, I experimented in other areas of my life, and two core findings stood out:

• My fear of rejection went down when I built the whole process around asking for what I want in life, and making the ask the win, not the outcome.

• Most of the time, I hit my goal about 20-30 asks in. Plus, I could make 1-2 asks a day over a month’s time and not get overwhelmed.

With that in mind, and my love of palindromes and the number 3, I decided to make 33 asks a month my new life goal.

And with that, 33 Asks® was born.

Since its inception in 2021, I’ve used 33 Asks® to:

• Generate over $475,000 in my business.

• Get a literary agent and a book deal.

• Start dating again.

• Restart my filmmaking career.

• Make friends in Mexico.

• Pack my Because Fat Girl book launch events and build a fan base that helped it get into airports and bookstores across the USA and read around the world.

• Find queer friends to go dancing with me.

I was even featured on Good Morning America talking about the process!

And today, I’m teaching you 33 Asks®!

33 Asks® is a way to build confidence, recover from rejection, and ask for what you want in life with joy using a simple one-page sticker-chart system that makes the process creative and fun.

I share it with you because it has truly changed my life and I want you to be able to use this process in your life as well.

You can learn the full process at 33Asks.com, but here’s the basic idea:

1. Start with why – what’s the point of this project for you?

• Humans are much more likely to do finish doing something if we have a defined purpose for why

• Your why can be fun (ex: I want to add more joy to my life), practical (I need $3500 a month more now to pay my mortgage), or a combination (I want to make a movie and need cast, crew, and financiers to do that).

2. Clearly define a singular goal that’s a reach, but not impossible.

• Clarity helps your brain know exactly where to put its energy.

• Making it a singular goal that’s a stretch for you but not impossible gives you focus and prevents overwhelm.

• Examples:

  • Instead of “I want to find a life partner” (that could be your why), try “I want to go on dates with people who are aligned with my bigger life goals.”

  • Instead of “I want to win an Oscar” (again, a good why), try “I want to find a stellar local actor for the lead in my short film”

  • Instead of “I want to be a millionaire with complete financial freedom” (you guessed it, also a why), try “I want to bring in $5,000 that I can put into my retirement account”

3. Build in rewards – this one is the most important step!

• When people ask me why 33 Asks® is so successful, I say it’s the built in rewards. This teaches our brains that putting ourselves out there and facing rejection is something we will benefit from, regardless of the outcome.

• You need at least one reward for making all 33 asks, but you can also create another reward for hitting your goal, if you want.

  • This is important: you MUST have a reward for making your asks. The asks matter more than the goal. More on that below.

• The rewards can be anything as long as it brings you joy and will motivate you. Here are some I’ve done:

  • A pair of rainbow Gucci shoes because they were bougie and gay just like me.

  • Month-long trip to Europe.

  • My favorite gluten-free pizza in town.

  • A new jumpsuit from a company I love.

  • A movie night on my sister’s sofa with popcorn and extra butter.

  • Game night with friends.

  • “Shopping spree” at the local library where I allow myself to check out as many things as I want, even if I know I’ll never get through it all.

• Notice most of those cost little to no money.

  • The key to a reward is joy, not price.

  • I was just as motivated by the gluten-free pizza as I was the trip to Europe.

  • Sometimes the bigger prizes feel overwhelming (like the Europe trip that I never took…) so don’t be afraid to pick something small but meaningful.

4. Make the ask the win!

• This is the genius of 33 Asks®. It rewards your brain for making the ask itself. It allows you to be attached to asking for what you want in life, not the outcome.

• Making the ask itself the win also keeps you from feeling like a pushy used car salesperson, since you’re rewarded simply for asking.

• This is the scary part, but you can do it! And if you want tips for how, check out 33Asks.com.

5. Make it creative and have fun – this is where the stickers come in!

• What separates a to-do list from a vision board? Color! Stickers! Images! And most of all, intention.

• Make the process of creating your one-page sticker chart a joyful one. Let it be a craft project. Use your creative imagination. Have fun!

• This not only taps into the crafter within us all, it also helps make it so your 33 Asks® sticker chart is something you want to actually look at and enjoy.

With all of that done – on a single piece of paper so you don’t feel overwhelmed! – you can now go out and ask 33 people to be a part of making your goal happen.

The point of 33 Asks® is to overcome a fear of rejection and ask for what you want in life.

It can be easy to make this process about hitting career goals, making money, or even getting laid.

But it’s about none of that.

33 Asks® is about feeling capable and confident in asking for what you want in life.

It’s about building resilience in a world full of rejection.

It’s about persevering so you can live a boldly creative life full of joy.

And it’s about finding a fun way to make your life dreams come true – whatever they are.

That’s why I do 33 Asks® for myself and teach it to others.

That’s why I’m sharing it here with you today, so you can learn it too.

The world is on fire, but creativity is the balm. Asking for what we want is how we feel empowered to make change.

Yes, I’d love you to take the full class at 33Asks.com, but more than that, I want you to go out there and ask for what you want in life and make your creative dreams come true.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love and stickers,

Lauren

P.S. Now, I have an ask of you. If you enjoyed this post and found it helpful, can you please share it with a friend or on your social media? It’s a free and easy way to spread the love.

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This weekend, I struggled to practice what I preach.

I was supposed to send my Sunday letter to you yesterday, but I couldn’t get myself to finish it. I was too distracted by a pile of hate that was being dumped into the comments of an Instagram reel of mine.

For Lesbian Visibility Week, I posted a video talking about the difference between “lesbian” and “queer” — specifically how I identify as both, why queer feels more expansive to me, and how my novel Because Fat Girl explores what happens when a lesbian-identified character falls for a cis man, something a few people in my own life have navigated.

To me, it was a nuanced, personal conversation about identity, community, and why I love the word queer even as I claim lesbian with pride. Apparently, not everyone agreed.

Being told I am “not lesbian enough” is something I’ve dealt with since I came out at twelve. I’ve got 30+ years of receipts, I don’t need to prove myself to anyone.

Mostly, I ignored the haters.

But some comments still stung — especially ones saying my inclusive definition of lesbian and my novel Because Fat Girl give men permission to assault lesbians.

The general idea is that by saying I’m a lesbian who occasionally finds a man – specifically Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – attractive, I am playing into the idea that all lesbians just haven’t found the right man. And therefore, men could “change” them through coercion or force.

It’s something editors of my book worried about as well – and it’s total bullshit.

The only person at fault in that scenario is the man.

But we are so horrible at holding men accountable for their actions – especially when it comes to assault – that we instead blame someone like me, who talks about my lesbian identity with nuance.

It’s horrifically insulting and highly problematic.

I wanted to fight back.

I even recorded an angry response video!

Then I looked at my North Star vision board, my 3-Pillar Legacy, my primary question – all the things that make up my Creative Life Blueprint. All the things that matter to me in life.

Clapping back at strangers on the internet suddenly didn’t feel important anymore.

So I walked away.

I went to the San Diego Book Crawl and felt grounded in my literary community.

I spent a rainy day reading Behooved, a book with a character who also can’t digest gluten!, and felt less alone.

I danced along the shore with a friend from out of town and felt loved.

I did the work to define what matters to me and then followed the path I’d set out for the life I want to live.

I practiced what I teach in Creative Life Blueprint (you can get the full process I use here).

And I’m really proud of myself for that.

Let this be a reminder for all of us to get out of the comments and into a good book.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. Want to help cheer me up after all of that hate? Leave a 5-star review for Because Fat Girl on Amazon or Goodreads today. It really helps counteract the haters, boost my visibility, and help me get the next books out.

Books I found at the Book Crawl that I’m excited to read:

• Behooved by M. Stevenson – Magic, political treason, and gluten intolerance – I’m in!

• What Is Queer Food? by John Birdsall – A look at the history of queer culture through how we feed ourselves and others – I’m intrigued!

• Stages and Phases two poetry books by Tramaine Suubi – Tramaine said she decided to be her own Black queer archive and I LOVED that, so I bought all her books.

• Death Valley Blooms by S. M. Mack – I sat next to Smack during our book signings at UCSD and loved the premise of this fantasy novella set in the desert where I grew up.

When I took myself through my Creative Life Blueprint ritual (you can read all about it and take yourself through it for free here) one question emerged that has become my North Star:

Will this help me win an Oscar surrounded by people I love?

The layers of that question, I talk about here.

It’s more nuanced than you’d think.

It’s not just about the golden statue – although I’d love that! – but about the person I have to become, the life I have to embrace, and the art I have to make to win an Oscar and walk the red carpet with people I love.

I’ve been pretty great in the past with the whole chasing the dream against all odds thing. It took me twenty years, but I saw my book in airports across the nation. I know how to hustle and work hard in my career.

But I haven’t been great at letting romance, love, and intimacy into my life while doing it.

So, I’ve decided to put myself out there.

And it’s scary! But it’s less scary with you here along for the ride.

In this week’s Come With Me video, I decompress after a night of queer speed dating and share the realization that stopped me mid-conversation with a stranger:

I’ve been trying to get to the New York Times bestseller list before I’ve even written the first chapter.

I tell my story coaching clients this all the time: you can’t jump to the ending.

You have to write the book before you can make it a bestseller.

And I realized I was doing this in my dating life.

If someone wasn’t a marriage match from the start, I wouldn’t give them a chance. Which was hilarious because until recently, I wasn’t even interested in marriage.

What I called “high standards” was often walls put up to protect me from having to be intimate and vulnerable with people.

So I’m changing my question.

Instead of is this my person?

I’m asking: would I want to go sit down for an hour over tea with this person and have a conversation?

That one small shift changed everything about how speed dating felt.

And how did the event go?

Well you’ll have to watch the full video to find out!

I hope it inspires you to go out there, do something vulnerable, and take it one step at a time.

With love and creativity,

Lauren

P.S. Did you know I used to run a popular queer sex and relationships blog called Queerie Bradshaw? I revised it last summer here on Substack and will be posting more as I get back out there again.

If you want those posts, great! You don’t have to do anything.

But if you prefer to only hear about writing and creativity (or you’re my mom…), you can scroll down in your emails, click “unsubscribe” and you’ll be taken to a page that will let you opt-out of Queerie Bradshaw posts.

Because consent is sexy, even in emails.

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Have you ever had a solid, multi-point plan for achieving your dreams, only to have fate look you dead in the eyes and laugh?

Sometimes, it’s a horrible twist – like when my brother was diagnosed with cancer during my last month of law school, then my grandmother had a stroke at my law school graduation, both of which derailed my plans to take the bar and become a lawyer.

Other times, it’s a happy twist – like when my cousin texted me from the airport saying he saw my book there and suddenly I was flooded with pics of travelers picking up my book, something I never thought possible for a debut novel.

I’m a dreamer and a doer, but looking back at my life, the most important and profound moments were never planned.

They were times when Fate, God, Life, the Universe, whatever you want to call it said “PSYCH” and pushed me off course.

They were moments of deep personal introspection that were so lonely and painful I never would have done them without being pushed.

They were moments of massive leaps forward I could never have imagined for myself.

I’m never going to be the person to tell you platitudes like “you’re so brave” or “God only gives his toughest tasks to his strongest warriors,” because screw that emotional bypassing bullshit.

But I will tell you this: 

People who have danced through the dark and come out the other side singing are magical humans.

There’s something witchy about a woman who has seen some shit and lived to tell the tale.

There’s something supernatural about someone who faces overwhelming oppression and chooses joy.

There is something phenomenal about building a strong foundation out of the ashes.

I know, because the life I live right now – one where I get to be a full-time creative who travels the world, is emotionally regulated, and has an amazingly supportive community in her life – was built from rock bottom, brick by brick.

If you are in an unplanned life pivot right now, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1. Who and what am I grateful for in my life?

2. Who and what do I love in my life?

3. Where and when can I add more joy, decadence and whimsy to my life?

Those three questions seem simple, but they’ll open up a world of truth within you. They’ll show you what’s missing and what you already have. They’ll help you decide what comes next and how you want it to feel.

Once you have the answers to those questions, you’ll be ready to start creating your own Creative Life Blueprint – the path you’ll take forward to build a life centered around that gratitude, love, and joy you just defined.

For that, you’ll need this post where I outline the whole process:

Or, if you want more handholding and group camaraderie, you can join me April 21 - June 3 for the Creative Life Blueprint group coaching program.

I’m offering it one time only to six people.

Reply if you want in.

Whatever path you choose, I hope you’re able to find the magic in the unplanned moments — the ones that punch you in the gut, the ones that surprise you with joy, and every one in between.

Because the world needs your story now more than ever.

With love and resilience,

Lauren

P.S. My Creative Life Blueprint coaching program starts April 21. I’m not offering this again and I only have one spot left, so reply now if you want it. I’d love to have you in.

I just got out of the shower.

I’m wearing my book nerd shirt.

I’m heading to book club soon – in fact, I am already late.

But I had to record this before I lost my nerve.

Here you have it, the first official announcement:

I am making a short film.

And I’m sharing the budget with you today.

Which is really scary! Not because it’s high (although it’s not cheap…) but because this means it’s all real.

I haven’t made an actual film since film school. As you can see in this video, I’m so nervous I’m shaking.

But I did my two-year life reset at the end of 2025.

I made my North Star question and declared it publicly:

Will this get me closer to winning an Oscar surrounded by people I love?

I am following my own Creative Life Blueprint and practicing what I preach.

But just because I’m doing the damn thing, doesn’t mean I’m not scared $#@!less!

It is so scary to no longer wonder if I can do it, and take the leap of faith to find out.

It’s so scary to enter back into an industry that has historically been unsafe for people like me – to go for a job I’d assumed I hadn’t been brave enough to pursue.

In this video I walk you through everything that goes into a micro-budget short film — from the DP and sound tech to the script supervisor I didn’t even know I needed, to festival submission fees, to feeding people because hangry crew members are nobody’s friend.

I don’t have the money to make this film right now. I don’t have the crew, or the cast, or the gear. I don’t remember most of what I learned in film school.

But I have my North Star. I have my Creative Life Blueprint.

And every time I get scared I come back to the same reminder: I never thought I’d have a book in airports across the country either.

If I can get Because Fat Girl out in the world after years of rejection, I can make a movie.

And in the end, I’d rather fail trying to do something I love than die never having tried.

If you want to define your own North Star, I’ve got two ways to help you:

1. I’ve outlined the full thing for free in this Substack post.

2. I’m offering a one-time only, small group coaching program to walk you through the process. It’s seven weeks long, and we start April 21. Interested? Reply to this message and I’ll send you the details.

I’m sharing both my Creative Life Blueprint process and behind-the-scenes of this movie with you to hopefully go out there, be brave, and do the boldly creative thing you dream of in your life.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With nervous excitement,

Lauren

P.S. As promised, here’s a screenshot of the general budget I’m working with. I don’t have the costs in, because … well it felt too scary to share just yet! But this gives you a general idea:

What makes somebody a creative?

When I first met Laura Eigel six years ago, she told me she was not a writer.

She was interested in joining my Write Your Friggin Book Already® program, but she was not a writer. She’d made books for friends as a kid and kept journals her whole life, but she was not a writer.

Two books out in the world now, and I think she is finally calling herself a writer.

Recently, my friend Max decided to join my Creative Life Blueprint coaching program (we start April 21 - want to join us?! Reply and I’ll send you the deets!).

When we first talked about it, he said, “I want to join, but I’m not really a creative.”

Max has fabulous fashion with a unique take on masc queer style. He’s a content creator that’s gone viral multiple times. He’s built a successful business and whittles wood for fun.

But he didn’t see himself as a creative.

What is it about the title “creative” that makes us so hesitant to claim ourselves as one?

It is not like the creativity is only accessible to an elite few. You can be a writer with a pen and paper. You can be an artist with things that you find in your home. Everybody is a content creator these days on the internet.

So why do we have this idea that only certain people get to call themselves creatives?

Elizabeth Gilbert has a famous Ted Talk on the concept of the genius that tries to answer this. It’s worth watching the whole thing but the general idea is that during the Renaissance we went from:

Anyone could be greeted by creative genius or could commune with the muses anytime.

to

One person is deemed a genius and all of us work to uphold that person’s genius.

It also not-so-coincidentally came around the time that the de Medici family was trying to hyper-monetize art and use capitalism and Catholicism to rule the world.

We talk about this time period as a beautiful period of creativity and it was also a time of massive racism, sexism, and depression. They glorified and idolized certain men like Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello – and no those aren’t just Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – while the laborers who made the art were treated as disposable.

Sound familiar?

We still live in the oppressive system the de Medici family made.

Today I want to encourage you to break free from it.

Right now, right here, I want you to embrace the term “creative” for yourself.

If you’re fighting with me on this, think about the last time you made a meal but sprinkled a little extra on top for flourish.

Or what about a time you added a pop of color to an outfit, or went all black as an expressive choice?

Do you have a kid in your life? Whether you birthed them or not, you’re helping to mold and shape their existence.

Picked out a new bedspread? That’s a creative choice.

Almost everything in our life requires creativity.

To be human is to create. And to create is to tap into your humanity.

And damn if we can’t all use more humanity right now in the world.

Being a creative has saved my life.

As a queer, fat, neurodiverse farmer’s daughter growing up in a small, conservative town, I had no positive images of people like me thriving in life.

Joy was my armor and creativity was my path out.

There wasn’t a reality around me where a girl like me got to grow up to be a world-traveling, joyful, successful author, filmmaker, and business owner. I had to create that vision for myself.

All the positive changes in the world – all the art, all the activism, all the technology, everything – only exist because someone was bold enough to be a creative.

Right now, we desperately need more creative energy. Not just for our own lives, but for the good of us all.

We need to make art.

We need to tell our stories.

We need to design positive futures.

I don’t have all of the answers, but I do have this six-step ritual that I’ve used time and again to reset my life to be a more boldly creative one.

And I’m sharing it with you in two ways:

1. I’ve outlined the full thing for free in this Substack post.

2. I’m offering a one-time only, small group coaching program to walk you through the process. It’s seven weeks long, and we start April 21. Interested? Reply to this message and I’ll send you the details.

I’m offering both of these options – the free self-study and the paid support – because I truly believe in the power of creativity to get us out of this overwhelmingly challenging time the world is living in right now.

I want to share the resources and tools I have with you, so you can go off and share them with others, so together we can create a more joyful, empathetic, and empowered world.

If my Creative Life Blueprint coaching program sounds intriguing to you, reply and I’ll help you decide if it’s the right fit.

At the very least, I hope this post inspired you to take a little step – just one little step is all you have to do! – towards embracing a boldly creative life for yourself.

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. Comment below and let me know how you’re adding creativity to your life right now. We could all use some inspiration. <3

Leave a comment

My heart hurts.

I can't stop a war.
But I’m tired of feeling useless. So I’m making a list of what I can do.

I can write a book that expands empathy.
I can encourage you to use your voice.
I can hug my neighbor and feed her a meal when she gets home from a long shift at the hospital.
I can learn the names of the homeless people living in the park by my house.
I can buy a drink from the queer and immigrant owned coffee shops in my neighborhood.
I can host a two-hour picnic in the park with friends.
I can call my representatives.
I can remind friends to vote.
I can invite friends over to paint.
I can adamantly and vocally oppose the policies of this regime.
I can have conversations with people from the other side of the aisle helping us see the humanity in each other.
I can walk into a bathroom with a trans friend.
I can tell the queer and trans people I know in my life that I love and value them.
I can support immigrant organizations and give to GoFundMe's.
I can go to film festivals and cheer on local artists.

And I can take a moment, in the darkest of times, to remind you all that collective humanity is how we stop wars.

I can encourage you to tap into your creativity, participate in your communities, and interact with other people and cultures.

Because when we do, we don't sit by and let a president call for the full annihilation of a civilization.

If you need support figuring out what steps you can take, comment below or reply to this email and I'll help you find one that feels doable to you.

Leave a comment

We’re all in this together.

So much love,

Lauren

P.S. Journaling helps me a lot in hard times like this, so my Journal Through It course is free right now with the code LOVE to help support you.

Also, here are some other posts that might feel supportive as well:

Today, I wanted to write a whole article about the resurrection stories throughout time. I love how the tales of the Sumerian goddess Ereshkigal and her sister Inanna – two of my favorite figures in religious history – and how their story became Hecate and Persephone to the Greeks, then Lilith and Eve to the Jews, and even was incorporated into stories of Jesus’s resurrection.

I wanted to geek out over the history of magical myths and how religious tales help us to make sense of a complex and hard world.

But then I sat down to write and all I could think about was the Voladores of Veracruz.

I kept remembering the way they surrendered to the ritual, having patience for the process, going around and around and around again all in a beautiful dance to their gods.

And how much that inspired me to keep going, both as an artist and as a human.

So, instead of my nerdy history lesson, I’m giving you an excerpt from a book I am writing about my time in Mexico City.

I hope you find magic in it like I did.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. This is what it looks like to live a boldly creative life. Not just the travel to Mexico, but also following what calls to you even when the "strategic" thing is something else entirely.

If you want help building that kind of life for yourself, I have four spots left in my Creative Life Blueprint program. We start April 17. Reply to this email if you want in.

Live a Boldly Creative Life

P.P.S. While my Sunday letters are usually free, this book is a work in progress and I can’t yet share it publicly for the whole internet to see, so I’m putting the excerpt behind a paywall. Thanks for understanding and supporting my work.

Subscribe now

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The world is on fire.

Creativity is the fire hose.

In 2012, my brother died. The aftermath sent me spiraling down and I hit rock bottom. Hard.

As I sat there, unsure what to do next, one question kept coming to me: what do I want said at my funeral about how I lived my life?

I got out a piece of paper and some colorful pens and wrote down the answer.

Knowing I was in a rough place and needed some dopamine, a friend had shipped me stickers to give myself when I did a good job. So I decorated that piece of paper with stickers.

And my Creative Life Blueprint was born.

Since then, it has become the framework behind every decision I’ve made — from launching my business to promoting my hit novel to dating new people.

It gives me a North Star to follow as I navigate the seas of life, and I’m not sure where I’d be without it.

Over the past year, I’ve shared it privately with friends and they found it so life-changing that I decided to share it in a post here on Substack.

Did you read that post?

Over 1,000 of you did. The comments were small but the emails were huge. People wrote saying it gave them hope they too could live a boldly creative life.

I was going to write it as a book. But as I responded to those messages, an idea kept sprouting:

What if I gathered a small group of people together to go through the Creative Life Blueprint process?

That idea kept growing — fueled by every message from readers and every voice note from a friend about how desperately they need more creativity in their life right now.

So, %#$! it. I’m offering this as a program.

Seven weeks. Six people. One time.

Which is all so damn scary.

As I talk about in this week’s Come With Me video, it’s nerve-wracking to launch something new into the world — and even more so knowing I’m only doing it once.

But I only ran a marathon once. I only lived in Italy and the Czech Republic once. I only traditionally published a novel once.

I might do them all again. But there is only ever that one first time.

There is only ever this one life.

We might as well make it a boldly creative one.

➡️ If you want in, reply to this email and I’ll send you the details.

And while I’d love to coach you through it, the full process is free for everyone here.

Because the world needs your story (and creativity and art and joy) now more than ever.

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. I only have 6 spots, so if you want one, reply now. We start April 17.

P.P.S. My Come With Me videos are usually for paid subscribers only, but I'm making this one free so you can hear more about the Creative Life Blueprint process.

Recently, I took an acting class and the teacher gave me this note:

You use joy as armor.

And damn, if that wasn’t completely spot on for how I’m dealing with the world right now.

To be openly gay in the face of fascism is a radical act.

If you think calling the Trump administration “fascism” feel hyperbolic, might I suggest reading this.

The America that the alt-right MAGA lovers long for is the one I sadly grew up in – and not one I’m keen to return to.

• Boys Don’t Cry and the Matthew Shephard story taught me that people could beat me to death and get away with it.

• Stories about LGBTQ characters barely existed and when they did they centered on our trauma and pain.

• Churches and youth prayer groups at my high school framed LGBTQ people like me as sexual predators who deserved the violence they got.

• I came out before there were drugs for HIV, volunteered weekly at the SF AIDS Foundation in college, and was raised by gay bears telling me stories of horrific loss.

With that discourse all around me, it could have been easy to believe that being gay was lonely, miserable, and even deadly.

In reality, being openly queer has proven to be a joyful, loving, and affirming existence.

While LGBTQ people have faced and still face horrific oppression around the world – even in safe havens like California – overall we are a community rooted in joy.

Gay literally means lighthearted and carefree – and we take that word seriously.

There is a Dan Savage quote making its way around the internet right now that I come back to again and again:

“During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night.”

That is what it means to be gay.

Gay resilience has always centered love and pleasure.

Gay people have always found a way to dance through our grief.

Gay power has always existed in the combination of our collective activism and our communal joy.

Joy has always been our armor.

As a community, at least.

Personally, I used anger for way too long. Spite, bitterness, jealousy, cruelty, I wore those like badges of honor guarding my heart.

But every time I danced to Robyn on a crowded dance floor or sang my heart out at a Tegan and Sara concert, I remembered that there is nothing more radical than open expressions of queer joy and love.

We’ve had joy as armor longer than we’ve had legal protections.

I came out at twelve, but…

• I was twenty years old and living in Italy when the U.S. Supreme Court decided Lawrence v. Texas – the landmark case that rule anti-sodomy laws aimed at criminalizing gay people as unconstitutional.

• I was twenty-seven years old and in law school when I interned at the National Center for LGBTQ Rights and helped do research for Obergefell v. Hodges – the landmark case that challenge California’s Prop 8 banning same sex marriage.

• I was thirty-three when Obergefell v. Hodges declared a fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples.

At forty-three, I’m going to fight my ass off to keep these legal protections for my community, but I’m not going to let the courts decide my right to exist.

I’m going to keep kissing girls and enbies.

I’m going to keep affirming trans and non-binary existences.

I’m going to keep attending BDSM events.

I’m going to keep fucking with gender norms and using xe/xir pronouns.

I’m going to keep asking cute queers to dance with me.

And the more the world is on fire, the sexier, kinkier, and more joyful I’m going to get.

As things get worse and worse in my country, all I want to do is get more and more gay.

In every sense of the word.

I want to laugh more.

I want to dance more.

I want to travel more.

I want to be sexier and kinkier and write all about it.

I want to go on more dates.

I want to feel more love.

I want to feel more gratitude.

I want to feel more joy.

And yes, all of that is my armor.

But it is also my truth.

Because when we lose the love and we lose the joy then we lose the battle.

And I refuse to let those hateful fuckers win.

With joy in the face of it all,

Lauren

P.S. While joy is wonderful, it’s also not enough. If you need legal support, or have energy to support LGBTQ causes right now, check out the National Center for LGBTQ Rights. I know their work intimately and can vouch for how important and powerful it is.

Dear friend,

My buddy — the poet who mails letters to her Substack subscribers — asked me recently what journals I use and whether I keep different ones for different projects.

I was about to just reply to her directly.

Then I thought: why don’t I invite you along as well?

In this video I walk you through my actual journaling practice — the notebooks, the planner, the iPad app, the whole thing. But more than the tools, I talk about the one shift that made me a real journaler after years of thinking I was doing it wrong.

Spoiler: I had to let go of the idea that there is a right and wrong way to journal.

The full video is for paid subscribers. If you’re not one yet, now’s a great time to join.

I hope this inspired you to let go of perfection, stop waiting for the “right” notebook, and simply jot your ideas down in whatever way makes you happy.

With tea, a pen, a notebook, and hope,

Lauren

P.S. Looking for inspiration to get your journaling practice started? Check out this post with 13 Journaling Prompts to Help Bring Light Into Your Life.

Journals, tools, and people mentioned in this video:

• and her Substack Brackish, which sends poetry mailers to paid subscribers!

• GoodNotes App for iPad

• Passion Planner – my favorite physical planner

• Decomposition Books – their spiral bound, college rule notebooks are my favorite to use

  • Here’s the kittens in space one I showed

  • Here’s the fairy tale forest one I showed

  • The above notebook links are affiliate links for Amazon, but you can get them at a local bookstore usually, which I highly recommend!

• My course Journal Through It: From “Oh $#@!” to “I’ve got this!” in 15 Minutes is free right now with code LOVE.

  Get More Journaling Support

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Spring has officially sprung in the Northern Hemisphere, and I celebrated the equinox by having a picnic with my friends and napping in the park with Albee.

Did you celebrate?

Let me know in the comments.

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About a decade ago I realized that I cannot go-go-go all year long.

Just like nature has its seasons, so do we.

Fall and winter are for thinking.

That’s when I deep dive into myself. It’s a time for creative exploration, one-on-one chats with friends, solo trips to foreign countries, early bedtimes, and drinking tea while I make it through my TBR list.

Fall is a great time to grieve. Winter is a great time to rest.

Spring and summer are for doing.

That’s when I step out into the light. It’s a time for late night dance parties, promoting creative projects, group picnics in the park, traveling with friends, and sipping mocktails on my patio while I write books and scripts.

Spring is a great time to be horny for life. Summer is a great time to fall in love with the world around you.

One is dark and introspective. One is light and extroverted. Both are equally important to living a boldly creative life.

I used to fight these seasons, and now I embrace them.

Sure, there are things that need to get done all year round. Laundry. Paying bills. Feeding yourself. Fighting fascism.

But when I plan out my life (using this system I shared with you), I make sure to honor that my energy and needs are different in each season.

In honor of Spring, I’ve put together some journaling prompts for you!

Please, for the love of all things creative, do not try to do every single one of these journaling prompts. Simply skim through this list and see which one calls to you and spend some time writing about it.

Just 15 minutes a day has been proven to reduce depression as much as meditation and even, in some people, as much as antidepressant medication.

The biggest thing I see keeping people back from journaling is thinking that they need to do it perfectly or they need to do it for a long period of time or every single day.

If you take even five minutes right now to think through one of these questions, you will be better set to have the kind of spring and summer that awakens your life.

Ready?

Let’s go!

13 Journaling Prompts to Help Bring Light Into Your Life

1. What is one creative project, just one, that I would love to accomplish between now and September 1st?

2. What’s holding me back from falling even deeper in love – with someone else, with myself, with creativity, with life? (more on that here)

3. What did I grieve this fall? What did I release and let go of?

4. Did this winter rejuvenate me or deplete me? What energy level do I have going into spring?

5. Make a Need, Want, Can’t List.

   1. In the Need column, write down everything that is an absolute must for you this spring and summer.

   2. In the can’t column, put down everything that you will not put up with this spring and summer and everything that you just can’t take on during this season.

   3. In the Want column, put all the things that would be fun to do over the next six months, but that are not necessary.

   4. Put your list somewhere where you can look at it every day to remind yourself of your aligned priorities.

6. If I could pick one area in my life where I want to be braver in this season, where would that be?

7. What feels rejuvenating for me right now?

8. Think about where you want to be two years from now on the equinox. Write a letter to yourself now from that person. (more on your Two Year North Star here)

9. Write a letter to your future self and send it. I love Future Me for this.

10. Is there a dream – big or small – that you’ve wanted to pursue that you’ve put off for too long?

11. How can you get even sexier and kinkier this spring? (more on that here)

12. What does activism look like to me during this season? (more on being a reluctant activist here)

13. How can I use this season to be even more creative, witchy, and joyful?

Want more journaling support? Check out my course Journal Through It: From “Oh $#@!” to “I’ve got this!” in 15 Minutes.

Get it free for a limited time with code LOVE.

You have your prompts, now go journal!

Then, come back here and let me know:

• Do you find your life to be cyclical and seasonal?

• How does spring energy differ from fall energy for you?

• Which prompt called to you? How did it go writing it?

Let me know in the comments!

Leave a comment

I’m excited to hear how your spring plays out.

With love, light, and a fan because it’s already getting hot in SoCal!

Lauren

P.S. Are you a paid subscriber? If so, I’ve got 7 more prompts below for you!

If not, now is a great time to join.

Subscribe now

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I had a full meltdown today trying to use QuickBooks.

Like, cried-in-the-park, called-a-friend-sobbing, questioned-my-entire-worth meltdown.

I’m a person with a book in airports across the country. A successful company. Films in progress. I have both objective, subjective success!

And yet — one confusing piece of software and suddenly I’m asking:

If I can’t figure out QuickBooks, how can I run a business?

If I can’t run a business, how can I make money?

If I can’t make money, what value do I have in this world?

That last one took me out and made me cry even harder.

I thought – if this is something happening in my brain, it’s probably happening in my readers brains as well. So I made you a video.

In it, I talk about art, money, capitalism, and what it actually means to keep living a boldly creative life, even when the world is on fire around you.

I say the world needs our stories now more than ever because it’s true.

As capitalism and fascism both rise in power, we need to surround ourselves even more with art and artists.

Subscribing to my Substack is a great place to start. I’ve got plenty of free and paid inspiration for you on here.

Subscribe now

If you want lovely poetry and inspiration sent to your inbox, you should subscribe to my friend ’s Substack Brackish.

15/10 suggest becoming a paid subscriber of hers so you can get poetry and art in the mail. It’s so lovely in these hard times to get letters from Katie.

You can do that here:

Brackish

Hello, you! I’m Katie—welcome to Brackish. This is where I share spoken word poetry as well as my podcast of the same name. Join me to receive nature-inspired poetry in your inbox and on your doormat – yes, actual snail mail!

By Katie Treggiden

I’d love to know — how have you been?

For those in the USA, are you surviving tax season?

For everyone everywhere, I’d love to know what art you’re making or consuming right now.

Let me know in the comments.

Leave a comment

With love and art,

Lauren

P.S. My accountant and friend Erica Martinez helped me to figure out my QuickBooks. Saved the day!

Erica and I have worked on two books together and I highly suggest both of them! One is a primer for taxes which I use as a guidebook in my business and the other is an adorable book helping explain taxes to kids.

And the kids book is wonderfully artistic with illustrations from Yuki Okada.

Check them out below:

Taxes 101 for Entrepreneurs: How to reduce your tax burden, stay in compliance, and keep money in your bank account

What Are Taxes?: A Fun Introduction to Money Concepts for Kids

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I had a gut-wrenching, snot-filled, on-the-floor cry after my TV comedy writing class on Tuesday.

And no, it wasn’t because I got to watch Tom Kinney, the man who voices SpongeBob Squarepants, perform the character in real time – although that was quite impressive and inspiring to see.

I was bawling my eyes out because of what Jill Talley, actor famous for the voice of Karen Plankton, and Carol Rosenthal, sketch comedian turned casting director, shared about their experiences in the industry.

Especially how it was in the 90’s and 00’s – the time period when I tried to start my film career.

The offensive jokes you were expected to laugh at.

The grin and bear it attitude towards misogyny.

The pressure to be rail thin and gorgeous while simultaneously funny and approachable.

The expectation to turn a blind eye when you saw something horrible happen.

The being told it was your fault when you rocked the boat and lost a job.

And while they didn’t mention all of this, the toxicity of the industry was there, simmering under every anecdote and experience.

For decades, I beat myself up for not being brave enough to try to make it in Hollywood.

As I dive back into filmmaking, I keep wondering where my career would be if I’d just had the balls to move to Los Angeles like my male classmates did.

I keep seeing this as a me problem. Something I did wrong.

I blame myself for not “making it” in Hollywood, ignoring the fact that:

• I was continuously told – in high school, film school and after graduation – that “Hollywood will be horrible to someone like you,” or “L.A. is so mean to fat girls, you don’t want to live there,” or “you really can’t be out as a lesbian in Hollywood.”

• I was the only girl in most of my film school classes. I remember being encouraged away from directing my own films and towards critiquing the films others made. Every boy I knew went into directing.

• We rarely, if ever, saw films with women directors, producers, or cinematographers. When women were onscreen in the films we studied, it was almost exclusively as the object of male desire.

• Even though I studied in San Francisco, I only recall being shown one film with LGBTQ characters – and it was a Western that completely negated and erased both the queer and trans identity of a real life historical figure. When I said that in my critique, the male professor brushed me off.

• I was routinely warned about the dangers for women in the industry, and told to never be alone in a room with a male producer. These warnings were taught with the curriculum, alongside “never leave your camera unattended on a busy street or you might be robbed.” You were just asking for it if you did.

And the list goes on and on and on.

So much of it I brushed off or even forgot about – until I hear other women talk about how horrible the industry was at that time.

Then it all comes flooding back.

And with it, tears for my younger self who overcame so much to get to where she is today.

I’m learning to go from shaming my younger self to being so damn proud of her.

Of course, I didn’t feel safe applying to the production intern jobs my male colleagues got in Los Angeles.

Of course, I went and interned at a lesbian magazine in San Francisco instead.

It wasn’t cowardice – it was self-preservation.

If I was a coward, I wouldn’t have:

• left my small, conservative farming town to move to San Francisco,

• studied Italian film for a year in Firenze,

• worked abroad in the Czech Republic,

• travelled around Eastern Ukraine,

• worked as a nude model for art classes,

• moved to Oregon to get a law degree,

• ran a lesbian sex blog while in law school,

• spoken at Yale about queer porn,

• started my own company,

• or persevered for years to get a traditional publishing book deal.

All of that took bravery.

All of that was me living a boldly creative life as far from the misogynistic, homophobic, fatphobic, and problematic AF world of Hollywood.

I didn’t give up on my dreams – I found a safer path to accomplish them.

During my last year of undergrad, I was in masters-level screenwriting classes and truly excelling. My professor pulled me aside and talked to me about pursuing a career in the industry.

He warned me that, unfortunately, screenwriters were often treated horribly in the industry (see a pattern here?).

But, there was a loophole he said:

“Write a novel.”

He showed the class Dances with Wolves and told us the story about how the creator, Michael Blake, originally wrote it as a spec script, but no one would buy it.

So, Kevin Costner told him to turn it into a novel.

With the novel and the script, the two of them were able to get funding to make the film – which Costner starred in and it was his directorial debut.

The film went on to win 7 of the 12 Oscars it was nominated for, including a best adapted screenplay win for Michale Blake, a Best Director win for Kevin Costner, and best picture. It’s also considered a leading influence for the revitalization of the Western.

And he never would have been able to get the movie made if he hadn’t written the novel first.

“You want to get your screenplay made,” Professor McBride suggested, “Go write a novel.”

So, that’s what I did.

Pursuing publishing wasn’t giving up – it was a part of the plan all along.

Now that I have three books published and more on the way, I’m ready to start using my decades of storytelling experience to come back to my first love of filmmaking.

I’m taking classes again.

I’m writing scripts again.

I’m even in pre-production for a short film.

And it all feels so friggin’ great to be back in this visual medium.

Arriving with Leverage

Lately, I’ve been trying to reframe “I’m late to the game” to “I’m arriving with leverage.”

I’m arriving with over thirty years of storytelling experience.

I’m arriving with maturity, clarity, and stability.

I’m arriving with confidence, contacts, and the receipts to prove I can do this.

Most of all, I’m arriving with a community of support, who will remind me of my values and help to keep me safe.

I’m not late. I’m right on time.

What about you, friend?

Is there something you’ve been putting off for too long that you’re ready to pursue?

Is there something you’re arriving to with leverage?

Do you resonate with choosing a different path because the obstacles of oppression were just too hard on the original one?

Let me know in the comments

Leave a comment

I’m excited to cheer you on for whatever path your journey takes.

With love and perseverance,

Lauren

P.S. I’m not one to quote the Bible, but a client shared this from James 1, Verse 2 and I loved it so much I thought I’d share it here as well:

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Sharing Is Caring

Here are some relevant resources that you might find helpful if you liked today’s letter:

• The key to making your creative dreams come true? Resilience. And I’ve got some fun and colorful tools to help you build up yours. Check it out at 33Asks.com.

• I still keep in touch with my screenwriting Professor James McBride – even thanked him in the acknowledgement of Because Fat Girl. He has a new book out that’s a great insight into acting and directing. Grab a copy here.

• My novel Because Fat Girl is a look at what my life would have been like if I hadn’t given up on my film directing dreams – and if The Rock fell in love with me. It’s as fun as it sounds. You should grab a copy here.

• If you liked this post, here are two more you’ll also love:

*Some of these links might be affiliate links, but I only share resources I love, regardless of affiliate status.

Do you use tarot decks in your life? If so, in what way?

Are you a tarot skeptic? If so, why?

I’d love to know. Reply to this email or leave a comment on the post.

Leave a comment

I want to bring you along for a special tarot reading I did for you and me.

I’m not a tarot expert by any means, but lately I’ve been leaning into the part of myself that’s a little less #girlboss and a little more artsy witch.

Here’s a clip with more about that transition:

What are you feeling these days?

More practical, more artsy, more witchy?

All of the above? None of the above?

I’d love to know.

Tarot as a Storytelling Technique

My policy on everything spiritual – and really everything in life – is “take what serves you, leave the rest.”

So, you don’t have to believe in tarot or know much about it to come along for this ride. You just have to appreciate a good storytelling technique.

More on that in this preview clip:

In this intimate video I:

• Share why I think artsy witch is the new #girlboss,

• Show you a few of the tarot decks I love (including one I brought back from my recent trip to Mexico City),

• Talk about why I use tarot as a storytelling tool rather than a prediction machine.

At the end, I also do a tarot reading for all of us, asking this question:

What insight do we need to know to continue living a boldly creative life in this period of upheaval?

The answer?

Well, you’ll just have to watch the full video to see.

When you’re done watching it, let me know in the comments if it resonated with you.

Leave a comment

With you in the practical and the woo,

Lauren

P.S. I have this Come With Me intimate video series behind a paywall to prevent trolling and help it feel more personal. This allows me to say and share the kinds of things I wouldn’t elsewhere on the Internet.

If you’d like to see the full video, you can subscribe below.

Subscribe now

Links I promised I’d share in the video:

The decks I love, use, and discuss in this video are:

• The Goddess Tarot Deck by Kris Waldherr

• The Modern Witch Tarot Deck by Lisa Sterle

• The Wild Unknown Tarot Deck and Guidebook by Kim Krans

• Magas Ilustradas, La Baraja by Mara Belén Parra

The other posts I mentioned are:

Read more

Is the world feeling a little much right now?

Do you long to escape into a book that feels like a warm bath?

I’ve got some recommendations for you!

I’ve been devouring novels in the “cozy sci-fi fantasy” realm lately and I’ve put together a list so you can join me by the fire.

These six books will feel like a warm hug. There are stakes, but not too high. There is a plot, but it’s not too harrowing. And the endings are as comforting as sitting in a big fluffy chair with a cup of tea.

Ready to get cozy?

Let’s go.

The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

I will always and forever start lists of comfort reads with this book. It is the book I go to when life feels rough and I need some laughter and hope. I even listened to it as I was wheeled into surgery – twice.

It is especially great on audiobook, with the amazing Daniel Henning bringing the characters to life in such vivid ways.

If you haven’t read The House on the Cerulean Sea yet, I HIGHLY suggest grabbing it right this second. Your whole body will thank you.

Grab a copy of The House on the Cerulean Sea:

• From Bookshop.org – a way to support local independent bookstores

• On Libro.fm – an independent alternative to Audible

• On Kindle or Audible

The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst

Baby mermaids.

Do I need to say anything else?

Okay, fine, I’ll add that this story discusses overthrowing unjust rulers, saving books from being burned, and has baby mermaids.

Yes, they’re worth mentioning twice because they’re so darn cute.

More than anything, this book – and the sequel The Enchanted Greenhouse – is a nervous system balm. I don’t know how Sarah Beth Durst did it, but the minute I step into her world, I feel safer in my own.

If you need the book equivalent of a bedtime hug, get a copy of The Spellshop today.

Grab a copy of The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst:

• From Bookshop.org – a way to support local independent bookstores

• On Libro.fm – an independent alternative to Audible

• On Kindle or Audible

Shard of Glass by Emily Deady

I don’t know about you, but I’d love a fairy godmother to come BibbideeBobbideeBoo my life right now, and introduce me to a cute femme or non-binary royal with a shoe fetish to sweep me off my feet.

Emily Deady’s retelling of Cinderella has

While I haven’t yet read this Cinderella retelling, its 4.5 star rating out of 905 reviews is pretty telling for how great it is. And, best of all, it’s written by my friend Emily, who is such a lovely human being who gives the greatest hugs.

There are five books in the series – with rumors of more coming soon – so you’ll have plenty to devour if you love this world.

I just started the first one today, join me in reading it?!

Grab a copy of Shard of Glass by Emily Deady:

• Kindle, audiobook, and paper copy all sold through Amazon only right now

The Monk & Robot Duology & The Wayfarer Series by Becky Chambers

Two for one here, ya’ll! (Actually, it’s six for one, but who’s counting?)

When I sat down to write this post, I couldn’t decide between including the Monk and Robot books by Becky Chambers, or the Wayfarer series. So, I’m including both!

If you want to get lost into a series of interconnected but separate stories set in space that will have you appreciating humanity among aliens, pick up a copy of A Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet, the first book in the Wayfarer series.

If you’re looking for a short but powerful, heartfelt weekend read, grab A Psalm for the Wild-Built. You can get it on its own, or combined into one book with the sequel A Prayer for the Crown-Shy.

Either way, you can’t go wrong.

Grab a copy of the Monk & Robot books, starting with A Psalm for the Wild-Built:

• From Bookshop.org – a way to support local independent bookstores

• On Libro.fm – an independent alternative to Audible

• On Kindle or Audible

Grab a copy of The Wayfarer Series, starting with The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet:

• From Bookshop.org – a way to support local independent bookstores

• On Libro.fm – an independent alternative to Audible

• On Kindle or Audible

Can’t Spell Treason Without Tea by Rebecca Thorne

Do you ever feel like running away from your life with a magical, hot, lesbian lover and starting a tea shop in a tiny town with cranky neighbors that eventually become your besties?

Maybe that’s just me…

But the popularity of this series shows I’m not alone.

I love how much this book made me feel safe in an unsafe world, worthy of love, and as cozy as a cup of tea by the fire.

If you like people who love tea and hate tyranny, this book is for you.

Grab a copy of Can’t Spell Treason Without Tea:

• From Bookshop.org – a way to support local independent bookstores

• On Libro.fm – an independent alternative to Audible

• On Kindle or Audible

Coffeeshop in an Alternate Universe by C.B. Lee

Confession: I haven’t read this one yet, but it’s high up on my TBR list for three important reasons.

First, C.B. Lee came to my book launch for Because Fat Girl and since then we have become friends. I love that they came out to support a fellow queer without us ever having met, and that shows you how wonderful of a heart they have.

Second, that heart obviously shines through in their other work, so I know this novel is full of joy and comfort as well.

And three, this book is on every list I see about cozy fantasy novels and has high ratings, so I have a feeling it’s going to be good.

My copy is on my shelf and this feels like a great excuse to pick it up and finally start reading it. Want to join me?

Grab a copy of Coffeeshop in an Alternate Universe by C.B. Lee:

• From Bookshop.org – a way to support local independent bookstores

• On Kindle or Audible

• Not currently available on Libro.fm

BONUS: Because Fat Girl by Lauren Marie Fleming

My favorite cozy read, for obvious reasons. It’s not technically in the fantasy genre, but it is my personal fantasy played out.

Think a queer Cinderella story set in modern day Hollywood.

It’s fun, it’s heartfelt, it’s deep, and that ending will have you crying tears of joy.

If you’re needing hope in life right now, this is the perfect book for you.

Grab a copy of Because Fat Girl by Lauren Marie Fleming:

• From Bookshop.org – a way to support local independent bookstores

• On Libro.fm – an independent alternative to Audible

• On Kindle or Audible

What are you favorites that I should add to this list?

I’m constantly looking for more cozy books, so I’d love to know your favorites below!

Leave a comment

And be sure to subscribe to get more reading suggestions and tips for living a boldly creative life delivered directly into your inbox.

Subscribe now

Keep reading.

Keep creating.

Keep going.

Because the world needs your story now more than ever.

With love and a mug of tea to go with your new books,

Lauren

Required disclaimer: The content above contains some affiliate links. Buying through these links helps support both my company School for Writers® and this Substack. Thanks for that support! Rest assured, I only suggest items I love, regardless of affiliate status.

Dear friend,

I realized recently that somewhere along the line, I started talking to ChatGPT more than I was talking to my friends. Not because I preferred talking to a robot, but because I didn’t want to burden anyone in my life.

Tonight I was standing in my kitchen staring at a giant pile of dishes and wishing I had someone to simply talk with me as I did them.

But it was late, and people were asleep, and I’d already sent way too many voice notes to my friends today (it was an eclipse, there were lots of feelings).

I almost turned to ChatGPT again. Instead, I hit record and turned to you.

Here’s a sneak peek of what I had to say:

The answer in life is not robots. It’s human connection.

The thing I’m aiming for in my life right now is not perfection. It’s artistic expression.

So to add to the larger experiment that is this Substack I call Unscripted, I’ve decided to start recording videos for my paid subscribers.

Most of what I share here is free, but the paywall helps keep these posts more private and therefore more intimate.

In this video, I talk about loneliness, breakups, creativity, sobriety during hard moments, inviting neighbors over for art nights, and why the real antidote to this moment might just be doing ordinary life together again.

If you’ve got your own dishes to do, all the better.

But feel free to just sit back and listen.

And then, respond. I’d love to know your thoughts on these topics.

Because we’re all in this together.

With love,

Lauren

P.S. If you’re feeling lonely right now, I feel you. I love you. I’m sorry the world is so isolating. You’re not alone. I made this for you.

P.P.S. Here’s another sneak peek for you:

Read more

Have you ever achieved a goal only to have it feel anticlimactic?

Crossing the finish line of a marathon – then having to hobble to your car.

Starting an exciting new job – then sitting in the chair on that first day thinking “what now?”

Doing a deep clean on your kitchen – then realizing it’s dinner time and you’re about to mess it all up again.

Having a goal gives us focus, purpose, and direction in life – so we can often feel let down, unmoored, or even depressed when that goal is achieved.

Have you ever felt that? Are you experiencing it now? Let me know in the comments.

Leave a comment

Last week, I shared the six-step process I use to reset my life and align it to my bigger creative goals. This week, I want to show you that plan in action in my own life over the last year.

In late 2024, my lifelong dream came true.

After 20+ years as a professional writer, 4 different literary agents, and 7 years working on this particular book, my debut novel Because Fat Girl was finally out in the world.

And it was everywhere.

Big box stores and independent ones. Airports and libraries.

For months, not a day went by without someone sending me a picture they’d snapped of my book out in the wild.

It was surreal!

The process left me feeling two things: immense gratitude and an intense unmooring (you can read all about that here).

In 2025, I sat in the arrival.

I spent over two decades trying to get to the top of the “traditionally published author” mountain, and now that I’d arrived, I wanted to sit and bask in the view.

So, for a year, I did just that.

I arrived.

I sat in it.

I enjoyed the view.

I invested in my personal life.

• I went to Mexico City (twice),

• I took rope classes,

• I worked on my fear of falling in love,

• I started dating someone new,

• I bought myself flowers,

• I got a TV comedy writing certificate from UCLA,

• I started exploring film again,

• I stopped dating that someone new,

• I took long walks,

• I napped in the park with Albee.

For a year, I meandered through life without a set goal – a rarity for my achievement-oriented self.

For a year, I let myself feel what it was like to just be – to let my existing accomplishments be enough.

For a year, I sat in the uncomfortable reality that I had nothing left to prove – and maybe never had anything to prove in the first place.

Reorienting myself.

For over a decade, my personal and professional life was guided by a rather singular goal, and every decision I made was run through a question aligned with that goal:

Will this help me get a traditional publishing book deal and make the book a massive hit when it comes out?

With this goal in mind and question in hand, I was able to filter jobs, clients, even lovers.

It felt like a superpower, having that decision-maker in my head. While other people wandered around aimlessly in life, I knew exactly where I was headed.

Until suddenly, I reached the summit.

My journey was complete.

I’d done the damn thing.

Now what the hell was I supposed to do with my life?

Suddenly I went from a gal on a mission to a woman unmoored, floating aimlessly in the sea of possibility with no destination in sight.

I’d lost my North Star.

It took me a whole year – and a crap ton of stickers – to find it again.

And I love what I found.

New Dreams, New Filter Question

After a year of celebrating and soul searching, I found myself asking a new question over and over again when I thought about what was next for my life

Will this get me closer to winning an Oscar surrounded by people I love?

If you’ve read my memoir-pretending-to-be-fiction novel Because Fat Girl, you probably know how much winning an Oscar means to me. It’s not about the ego and the prestige – although there’s that for sure – as much as what winning an Oscar means.

To win an Oscar, I must fully embrace and fill my life with:

• Multimedia storytelling

• Collaborative artistic processes

• Creating stories that are at once culturally relevant, artistically inspiring, and commercially appealing

To do it surrounded by people I love, I must:

• Make space for love of all kinds in my life

• Release the American ideal of hyper independence

• Embrace the vulnerability of letting people into the process with me

This isn’t about the Oscars; it’s about the person I have to be and the life I have to live to aim for that goal.

It’s about where I put my time, money, and energy.

It’s about what creative projects I say no to and which ones I take on.

It’s about becoming the kind of person who can proudly declare to the world:

I want to win an Oscar, I’m going to work hard to make that happen, and I want to do it surrounded by people I love – do you want to come along for the ride?

No really – do you want to come along for the ride?

Let me know in the comments.

Leave a comment

I find that life is so much more fun when I share it, so I plan to document the whole process here on Substack with you. Be sure to subscribe to join in the fun.

Subscribe now

Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.

Cannot wait to see you on the red carpet,

Lauren