Want to have a positive impact on this world? Write a book. Here are four steps to help you get started.
Why books are still the biggest way to enact cultural change – and why you need these four things if you're going to write your story.
There is a reason fascism starts with book bans.
Politicians and governments know that books are powerful. They offer insights into other worlds. They give us knowledge beyond our singular existence. They expand our capacity for empathy.
One of the first things the Third Reich did in their rise to power was burn books “of their enemies” including order a raid on the Museum of Sexology, where they ordered the Hitler Youth to destroy the existence of homosexual and transexual people. As one of the authors of a book that was burned stated, “if they’ll burn books, they’ll burn people.”
During law school, I interned at the National Center for Lesbian Rights and helped do legal research for Obergefell v. Hodges, the U.S. Supreme Court case that declared a fundamental right to marry for same-sex couples. During that research I read a study that showed people were 76% more likely to believe in gay marriage if they had read or heard a story about a same-sex couple in love – either in a book, movie or directly from the couple themselves.
School districts in the USA are currently banning books by authors of color, LGBTQ authors, disabled authors, and even the dictionary and Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, in an attempt to prevent kids from seeing varying perspectives outside of the narrative of straight, white, conservative Christians.
Books hold that much power.
Stories hold that much power.
So then why are you holding your story back?
Did asking that feel a little aggressive?
Every time I ask myself that question, I kind of want to punch myself.
“It’s not as easy as just writing a book, Lauren!” I want to scream.
Because stories hold so much power, it can sometimes be frightening to tell them publicly.
I know this first hand.
With all of the excitement recently over my book deal and the release of my iconic book cover, my nervous system went into shock and I panicked at the idea of being a visibly queer and fat person in the public eye.
Everything in me wanted to run, hide, and never be seen again.
But I am only able to tell my story because other brave queer, fat, neurodiverse, non-binary femmes came before me and told theirs.
Which means I owe it to the next generation to be brave, write my book, and put it out there.
And so do you.
But it’s not as easy as just sitting down and writing. You want to make sure that you set yourself up for success before you even begin your book.
Here are four things you need to help you write a powerful and impactful story:
1) Practices in place to regulate your nervous system.
This is especially if you’re from a historically silenced and marginalized community.
Here’s a piece I wrote to help you with that:
Yes, that piece focuses on the nervous system deregulation that comes from being in the public eye, but it’s also a great list for anytime you’re worried about being cancelled, doxxed, or hated on in general.
Settling your nervous system throughout the process will help make sure you don’t sabotage yourself or quit halfway, and it’s important to have a coach and/or program that takes nervous system regulation into consideration so you don’t burn out.
2) A supportive mentor or coach to lay out a path for you and make it fun.
When I was twenty, I ran a marathon. I’d almost flunked P.E. in high school because I couldn’t finish a couple laps around the baseball field, yet here I was spending every Saturday of my college life running dozens of miles – and shockingly liking it.
What was the difference?
In high school, the only motivator I had was an angry teacher blowing her whistle at me, calling me fat and lazy, and threatening to flunk me if I didn’t pick up the pace. I was also bored out of my mind running around in circles in the desert heat.
In college, I had a fabulous group of LGBTQ coaches and support staff helping me to reach my goal of running a marathon and raising $3000 to support the SF AIDS Foundation. They planned the training regimen, built in breaks, provided snacks, set a new path for us to run each week so we didn’t get bored, and marked out exactly where the bathrooms were – key for someone with a small bladder like mine.
With the right mentor or coach, a seemingly impossible task not only becomes possible but fun to do!
This is why I love being a story coach as much as I love being an author. It took me decades to come up with a formula of my own for how to survive – and enjoy! – the marathon that is writing a book.
I’ve written over eight books in multiple genres including self-help, memoir, romance and fantasy. It makes me happy to take what I’ve learned in those processes and share them with others here on the blog, on the School for Writers® podcast, and in my programs. I love that I get to help the participants in my Write Your Friggin’ Book Already® program to use my hard earned lessons to make the processes quicker and more enjoyable.
I am one of the best story coaching in the world, and I’ve got the testimonials from amateur writers just starting their journeys and powerhouse celebrities alike to prove it. After two decades in the industry I can offer insights into traditional, hybrid, and self publishing, and I coach my clients in making important decisions from the start of the book writing process that will support them when they go to publish.
But if you want a massive-figure deal with a Big Five publisher, you’re going to need someone else. (I suggest Meghan Stevenson if you write non-fiction.)
I say this not to just toot my own horn, but to show you that it’s important to find a coach that’s right for you, your book, and your publishing goals.
Here are some things to consider when choosing a writing coach for your book:
Have they done it many times before? They don’t need to be a bestseller or even published (publishing can be harsh and is often a sign of luck more than talent), but make sure you’re learning from someone who has written at least a few books and knows your genre.
Are they a practiced teacher? Doing something yourself and teaching others to do it are two different skillsets. Make sure you get a coach who has practiced the craft of writing and the craft of teaching.
Are they kind and empathetic? Not only do we all have enough guilt in our lives, shame-based coaching has been proven time and again to not actually support us in achieving our goals. Find you a coach that meets you where you’re at and encourages you in ways that are based in kindness.
Do they know the publishing industry? It is wonderful to be a hobbyist writer and I am constantly talking about the value of journaling, but if you want to publish a book, it’s important to have a coach who understands the landscape and can guide you to make decisions based on your goals.
Is the amount of support and insight you’re getting equal to the price they’re asking? Hell yes, experienced coaches deserve to get paid well for their offerings! I have premium prices because I offer premium services. And also, I get way too many clients coming my way that paid $30,000 for a course or program and got nothing out of it. Take time to really look into if a program is going to help you reach your goals before you enroll.
Can you afford it or do they have scholarships? There are way too many predatory marketers out there that will convince you to go into debt for their services. It’s one thing to stretch yourself a bit financially to join a program – I think that can actually be beneficial sometimes so you have some skin in the game and show up to do the work – but it’s another to starve because you had FOMO. If you can’t afford a program, look for free resources like podcasts or books, take some time to save up, or ask for a scholarship. I offer them in all my programs, as do many other coaches.
Do they have testimonials or case studies? Hearing from past participants about their experience working with that particular coach can help you to determine if they are the right fit for you.
Do you share values? Not only is your coach going to have an impact on your books content, they’re also someone you’re giving your time, money, and energy to. Having a coach with similar values as you do will help you have a better time and result during the book writing process.
What else do you look for in a coach? Share your thoughts and insights below.
3) Peers on the path with you offering camaraderie and accountability.
Even with my wonderful coaches, I would have slept in every morning if I didn’t know my new friend Adrienne wouldn’t show up at my door and drag me out of bed.
Sure, we once ditched training to eat Eggs Benedict and try our hand at surfing that day instead (we failed miserably), but most mornings she was the only reason I kept running, and over two decades later, she’s still one of my closest friends.
Yes, a coach will keep you accountable, but nothing gets you out the door like a peer. That’s why it’s so important to have writing buddies to support you along your journey and be with you for the ups and downs.
4) Educational books, courses and programs to support you in developing your craft.
While I stand firm in the belief that the best way to become a better writer is to be a voracious and diverse reader, having a course or program to help you with the logistics
Think of it like climbing a mountain with a map, compass, and a predetermined trail versus going out into the wilderness alone and naked. Sure, you can still get to the final destination, but you’re going to have less pain, suffering, and itchy rashes if you follow a path someone else has carved out for you.
That said, you don’t have to quit your job and spend $45,000-75,000 on an MFA in writing. There are lots of programs out there – like Write Your Friggin’ Book Already® – that are 1/10 of the price and fit into your existing life.
If you don’t have the time or money to join a program right now, don’t let that stop you from educating yourself on the craft of writing.
We’ve got lots of free resources at School for Writers® including worksheets, workbooks, this blog and our podcast.
Plus, there are many fabulous books out there to help you hone your craft – including my favorites On Writing by Stephen King, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and Story and Dialogue, both by Robert McKee.
Share what books have helped you with your craft in the comments so others can read them as well!
If you’re looking for all of these support systems in one place, check out my Write Your Friggin’ Book Already® program.
For decades, I tried to find a writing group that featured a coach and/or mentors that had already written books, and a diverse and supportive group of peers writing with me. All while giving me both the practical and psychological tools I needed to write, edit, and publish my book. Plus, help building a writing career while I was doing it.
I couldn’t find it.
So I created it.
Write Your Friggin’ Book Already® is my dream writing program, the thing I wanted and needed most when I started my writing career two decades ago. I’m bummed I didn’t have it then, and I’m so damn happy it exists for you now.
Whether you join one of my programs or go another way, know that I’m here cheering you on as you tell your story.
Stories are so very powerful.
Your story is so very powerful.
Your book could change someone’s world.
So in this time of book bans and story censoring, take time to stand up and proudly find your voice, tell your truths, and write your friggin’ book already!
Because the world needs your story now more than ever.™
With love,
Lauren
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