I Got a Rejection Today That Knocked Me to the Floor – Here's How I Got Back Up
On the painful, exhausting part of living a boldly creative life — and what I do when rejection makes me want to quit.
Dear friend,
There’s going to be a moment in your life when you think it is not worth it to make art anymore. You will think of all of the money you’ve wasted and the time that’s gone, and you’re going to wonder: what’s the point?
If you’re there right now – or if you’ve ever been there – today’s post is for you.
Keep Climbing The Mountain
The day I recorded this video, I faced a rejection that hit me at my core and had me on the floor crying, wondering if I’m ever going to “make it” in this world, both as an artist and as a tenderhearted human.
In that moment, as I’d done many other times through the decades of my life, I called one of my best friends, Kylee.
And in her infinite wisdom, she reminded me that I’m not failing, I’m climbing the mountain. I don’t need to give up, I just need a moment to rest and catch my breath.
“This reminds me of the call we had a couple years ago,” Kylee said.
It was right after my 40th birthday and life was really rough for me. I had fibroids that were causing me to bleed nonstop, I was on triple hormones trying to stop them, and my nephew had just died of cancer, which was tragic and brought up all the feels around my brother dying of cancer.
I remember texting Kylee from a Trader Joe’s parking lot because I was crying too hard to call. I had just gotten an email from my agent. Everybody had passed on my book. There was nothing else we could do. We had to walk away from this book.
I was truly shocked.
I’d thought this was the one.
20 years of trying to get into publishing. Seven years of actively sending books out to publishers. Four different books, three different agents. I had seven publishers interested. I thought there was going to be a bidding war. We were so sure this was going to finally be my breakout hit. This was the book that would take me to the next level.
And it died on submission.
I was devastated.
I’d hit rock bottom before, after my brother died, and I thought I would never get there again. But that day in the Trader Joe’s parking lot, it felt like being there again.
With the help of Kylee and many other friends, I sat in that moment, not bypassing it, but recognizing how hard it was. I threw an epic pity party (instructions on how I did that here), I cried a lot, I rested, I caught my breath.
Then I went back out there and kept climbing the mountain.
Not much time later, things turned around.
Publishers got interested in the book. I signed with one I loved. And that novel – Because Fat Girl – has been in bookstores and airports across the nation and read around the world.
I even dedicated it to Kylee – and she came on a multi-city tour with me.
All because I didn’t let rejection stop me.
Make The Ask the Win
That story is why, when rejection knocked me down again this week, Kylee was the first person I called.
She reminded me – and I’m here reminding you – that we all face rejection every single day. It’s a part of living a boldly creative life.
It hurts and it’s so very hard. Some of these rejections knock us down and take our breath out. But I want to be the kind of person who is courageous enough to ask for what they want in life. And I’m guessing you do too if you’re still reading this.
Kylee reminded me of what I tell people all the time in my 33 Asks® program: you have to make the ask the win.
You have to see putting yourself out there as a victory on its own.
You have to detach from the outcome as much as possible.
To live a boldly courageous and creative life, you have to ask for what you want, say what you need to say, and then let go of your attachment to the other person’s response.
Sometimes you’re going to pour your heart out to someone and they’re going to say no in response. Sometimes that no is going to hurt a deep part of your soul that feels unworthy.
But if you stop there, you’ll never get to ask the person who will say yes.
What To Do If You’re Facing Rejection
If you’re facing rejection right now, know that you’re not alone. And that I’m so damn proud of you for putting yourself out there and asking for what you want.
That’s living a boldly creative life.
If you want support in doing that, here are two things I created for myself and now teach others because they helped me so much:
Creative Life Blueprint — knowing the purpose, the goal, the passion, and where I want to go in life helps me get over the rejections.
You can read this free Substack post breaking down the basics.
The book with all the details is coming soon!
33 Asks® — Build confidence, recover from rejection, and share your work with joy using a simple one-page sticker-chart system that makes self-promotion playful (and sustainable).
You can find the free Substack post breaking down the basics of 33 Asks® here.
You can learn about the full program at 33Asks.com.
Both of those Substack posts have audio you can listen to as well, to make it easier and more digestible for you.
Knowing my life’s purpose and learning how to make the ask the win keeps me going in times like this, and I hope both those free Substack posts – and this one – help you feel more capable and confident to put yourself out there as a creative.
Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.
With love and creativity,
Lauren
P.S. As Beyoncé says, the best revenge is your paper. Or in this case, the best response of the rejection that had me crying is to make the best short film I can make. But I can’t do that without your help!
I’m making a queer short film here in San Diego, and our crowdfunding campaign is on right now. We are a very low budget film, but we can’t make the movie if we don’t have the fund to do things like rent gear, pay for the venue, and feed our cast and crew.
There are free and paid ways you can support – but you’ve gotta do it before our deadline of July 24.
Check out how you can help us get this movie made at NoAnimalsHarmedFilm.com.
What an excellent post, Lauren! Your short film idea looks great. Good luck!
Love this, thank you