How a One-Page Sticker Chart Changed My Life (And How It Can Change Yours)
After my brother died, a friend sent me gold star stickers. What happened next changed everything about how I show up in my career, my creative life, and my relationships.
Dear friend,
I dream of winning an Oscar surrounded by people I love, and I’m pretty sure stickers are the key to making it happen.
Why stickers?
I’m glad you asked.
The Story Behind the Stickers
I wasn’t always a fan of stickers. I used to think they were a waste of resources.
And then my brother died.
A lot of my stories start that way. I wish more of them started with “and then my book became a massive success and I turned it into a movie that audiences loved, and I never had to worry about money again” — I like that one a lot better.
But unfortunately, so much of my creative life transformation started with death.
In March 2011, I was in my last semester of law school, studying for finals, serving on the board of multiple student organizations, volunteering in my community, speaking at major conferences, dating a new person, writing a weekly column for a national magazine, running my Queerie Bradshaw blog, and actively querying agents for my book.
Then, all hell broke loose.
In April, my sister almost died giving birth to her second child.
In May, right before finals, my brother was diagnosed with a very scary type of cancer.
In June, on the way to my law school graduation ceremony, my grandmother had a stroke, and I spent the next ten days with her in the hospital as she passed away.
And that was just the beginning.
While my fellow graduates took the bar, I helped distract my sister’s kids as we waited in the hospital for my brother to come out of yet another surgery.
As my friends started new jobs, I started driving my brother to chemotherapy appointments.
They learned how to file a motion, I learned how to help clean a tracheotomy.
They got shiny new paychecks, and I got PTSD.
I’d gone from someone who identified as a high achiever to someone who was proud of herself if she took a shower that day.
Then, one of my best friends sent me some gold star stickers.
It was about a month after my brother died and I was barely functioning.
Every time I did something that required any sort of energy or responsibility, she told me to give myself a sticker.
It took me back to being a kid, working harder in class to get that gold star, reading more so I could win that personal pan pizza.
Each sticker was a little dopamine hit of happiness and joy.
Clean the dishes, get a sticker.
Go to therapy, get a sticker.
Send my manuscript out to five agents, get five stickers!
These weren’t just little pieces of paper, they were how I pieced my life back together.
And because of that, I became a fan of stickers.
Flash Forward a Decade and Once Again I Needed Stickers to Save Me
Like all of us, COVID caused a massive pivot in my life.
I went from being the right-hand creative content producer for celebrity speaker Tony Robbins, traveling around the world, running high-intensity events, and meeting the most interesting and influential humans … to stuck in a house with my sister, niblings, and two dogs.
I love my family dearly, but I much prefer being the fun aunt, not a full-time parent. I desperately needed a place of my own to be able to run my business and write my books without constant distractions.
As I was looking for a place to rent, I mindlessly scrolled Zillow — who didn’t during quarantine? — and stopped in my tracks when I saw a condo for sale in my favorite part of San Diego.
I remember as a kid thinking: if I ever live on that street, I’ll know I’ve made it.
My parents helped me with the down payment — I’m always transparent about that — but I got the place.
And then suddenly, unexpectedly, I had a mortgage to pay.
I needed more clients ASAP – which meant I had to get over my fear of putting myself out there.
So I thought back to the gold stars and set myself a challenge:
Over the next ten days, I am going to put myself out there 88 times — or hit $10,000 in the bank, whichever comes first.
To make the fear of rejection feel less overwhelming, I created a colorful sticker chart with built in rewards to track the process.
5 days and 32 asks later, I had:
Over $16,000 in the bank, AND
$60,000 more coming in over the next few months through payment plans.
I was absolutely shocked.
A one-page sticker chart had done for me what sales funnels and fancy marketing tricks could not.
This process had gained me clients and leveled up my business in a way that completely changed my finances.
But more importantly, it had helped me feel confident and comfortable talking about my creative projects with others and asking them if they wanted to join in the fun.
I started reflecting on my life and wondering:
Where else is my fear of rejection holding me back?
So, I experimented in other areas of my life, and two core findings stood out:
My fear of rejection went down when I built the whole process around asking for what I want in life, and making the ask the win, not the outcome.
Most of the time, I hit my goal about 20-30 asks in. Plus, I could make 1-2 asks a day over a month’s time and not get overwhelmed.
With that in mind, and my love of palindromes and the number 3, I decided to make 33 asks a month my new life goal.
And with that, 33 Asks® was born.
Since its inception in 2021, I’ve used 33 Asks® to:
Generate over $475,000 in my business.
Get a literary agent and a book deal.
Pack my Because Fat Girl book launch events and build a fan base that helped it get into airports and bookstores across the USA and read around the world.
Find queer friends to go dancing with me.
I was even featured on Good Morning America talking about the process!
And today, I’m teaching you 33 Asks®!
33 Asks® is a way to build confidence, recover from rejection, and ask for what you want in life with joy using a simple one-page sticker-chart system that makes the process creative and fun.
I share it with you because it has truly changed my life and I want you to be able to use this process in your life as well.
You can learn the full process at 33Asks.com, but here’s the basic idea:
Start with why – what’s the point of this project for you?
Humans are much more likely to do finish doing something if we have a defined purpose for why
Your why can be fun (ex: I want to add more joy to my life), practical (I need $3500 a month more now to pay my mortgage), or a combination (I want to make a movie and need cast, crew, and financiers to do that).
Clearly define a singular goal that’s a reach, but not impossible.
Clarity helps your brain know exactly where to put its energy.
Making it a singular goal that’s a stretch for you but not impossible gives you focus and prevents overwhelm.
Examples:
Instead of “I want to find a life partner” (that could be your why), try “I want to go on dates with people who are aligned with my bigger life goals.”
Instead of “I want to win an Oscar” (again, a good why), try “I want to find a stellar local actor for the lead in my short film”
Instead of “I want to be a millionaire with complete financial freedom” (you guessed it, also a why), try “I want to bring in $5,000 that I can put into my retirement account”
Build in rewards – this one is the most important step!
When people ask me why 33 Asks® is so successful, I say it’s the built in rewards. This teaches our brains that putting ourselves out there and facing rejection is something we will benefit from, regardless of the outcome.
You need at least one reward for making all 33 asks, but you can also create another reward for hitting your goal, if you want.
This is important: you MUST have a reward for making your asks. The asks matter more than the goal. More on that below.
The rewards can be anything as long as it brings you joy and will motivate you. Here are some I’ve done:
A pair of rainbow Gucci shoes because they were bougie and gay just like me.
Month-long trip to Europe.
My favorite gluten-free pizza in town.
A new jumpsuit from a company I love.
A movie night on my sister’s sofa with popcorn and extra butter.
Game night with friends.
“Shopping spree” at the local library where I allow myself to check out as many things as I want, even if I know I’ll never get through it all.
Notice most of those cost little to no money.
The key to a reward is joy, not price.
I was just as motivated by the gluten-free pizza as I was the trip to Europe.
Sometimes the bigger prizes feel overwhelming (like the Europe trip that I never took…) so don’t be afraid to pick something small but meaningful.
Make the ask the win!
This is the genius of 33 Asks®. It rewards your brain for making the ask itself. It allows you to be attached to asking for what you want in life, not the outcome.
Making the ask itself the win also keeps you from feeling like a pushy used car salesperson, since you’re rewarded simply for asking.
This is the scary part, but you can do it! And if you want tips for how, check out 33Asks.com.
Make it creative and have fun – this is where the stickers come in!
What separates a to-do list from a vision board? Color! Stickers! Images! And most of all, intention.
Make the process of creating your one-page sticker chart a joyful one. Let it be a craft project. Use your creative imagination. Have fun!
This not only taps into the crafter within us all, it also helps make it so your 33 Asks® sticker chart is something you want to actually look at and enjoy.
With all of that done – on a single piece of paper so you don’t feel overwhelmed! – you can now go out and ask 33 people to be a part of making your goal happen.
The point of 33 Asks® is to overcome a fear of rejection and ask for what you want in life.
It can be easy to make this process about hitting career goals, making money, or even getting laid.
But it’s about none of that.
33 Asks® is about feeling capable and confident in asking for what you want in life.
It’s about building resilience in a world full of rejection.
It’s about persevering so you can live a boldly creative life full of joy.
And it’s about finding a fun way to make your life dreams come true – whatever they are.
That’s why I do 33 Asks® for myself and teach it to others.
That’s why I’m sharing it here with you today, so you can learn it too.
The world is on fire, but creativity is the balm. Asking for what we want is how we feel empowered to make change.
Yes, I’d love you to take the full class at 33Asks.com, but more than that, I want you to go out there and ask for what you want in life and make your creative dreams come true.
Because the world needs our stories now more than ever.
With love and stickers,
Lauren
P.S. Now, I have an ask of you. If you enjoyed this post and found it helpful, can you please share it with a friend or on your social media? It’s a free and easy way to spread the love.